5 Tips To Help You Get The Guy You Want

Ladies, we all want the secrets to get the guy you want. The truth is, there are many ways to get the guy you want, but the first thing I advise girls, is to start by BEING the GIRL GUYS WANT. Here’s some tips to shed some light on the things that guys like, and don’t like when it comes to finding a compatible partner.

Keep Jealousy and Insecurity Out of It

A major relationship killer for anyone is when jealousy and insecurity peer its ugly head. It’s one of those emotions that get your guy feeling like he was to run and hide. When you show signs of insecurity and jealousy, it’s as if you’re loading a gun and about to shoot straight for the relationship. It’s a major turn off. Although it’s natural to want your man all to yourself at times, but those emotions and behaviors are generally associated with poor self-esteem and lack of trust. Your guy will feel as if you don’t trust him when you start to question his whereabouts or ask a million questions about who his female friends are. Guys are attracted to confident women, and those that have control of their emotions. A little jealousy is acceptable and maybe even “cute” if you’re fishing for a compliment or some reassurance after an argument; but NOT when it’s a constant issue that continues to be a sore point for him.

 Don’t Put Your Guy Down

If you are noticing a theme about guys and how really basic and simple they can be when it comes to making them happy; it’s because it doesn’t take much to please them. Clearly if praising him is a great way to keep him coming back, putting him down is a sure fire way to shoo him away. Firstly, it’s never nice to publicly point out his flaws or make him feel bad when he’s done something you think is stupid or ignorant. He’s a guy. He will forget an important date or something off the grocery list. He may be late. He might leave his wet towel on the floor. He may leave the toilet seat up. He might even forget to call. He will make mistakes. Knowing that you’ve entered a relationship with the opposite sex means that you have to be patient and accepting. Respect his efforts and don’t put him down. When you behave this way, you resemble his mother, and you become extremely unattractive. In fact, he may not want to have sex with you for a while; or at least until he stops picturing you with your finger out swinging up and down like an old un-sexy school master.

 Don’t Give It Up Too Quickly

There is a constant debate over when is the right time to have sex and how long should you make him wait before giving it up? I will say this. It’s been in my experience and in the experience of hundreds of women I’ve talked to; when you make a guy wait, he puts you in the “long-term relationship” category. When you give it up, he puts you in the “short-term relationship” category. There are no “do-overs” when it comes to the timing of sex. In other words, you can’t have sex RIGHT AWAY, and then make him wait afterwards. It’s too late. You gave it up, and lost your opportunity to be viewed as future wife material. At least this is what many guys have also shared with me. Are there exceptions? Of course there are. But if you really want to increase your odds to be viewed as a long-term possibility; don’t give it up too quickly. Nowadays, waiting for at least 6-8 weeks would be considered ample time.

Don’t Be Like His Mom

Nagging is also a death sentence for early relationships where guys are concerned. As soon as you nag, an image of their mother pops in their head. Or you remind him of some super annoying relative or sibling that he can’t stand. If you’re in a new relationship with a guy and you already discovered a need to nag, he’s just discovered a reason to leave. If you’ve ever watched a Charlie Brown episode, the minute he senses nagging, he tunes you out, and you sound like the infamous school teacher. You know “whomp whamp whomp, whamp, whomp, whomp, whomp”. Mission: unaccomplished. Your guy just wants to be appreciated, and not told what to do.

Respect Your Guy’s Privacy

Everyone needs their privacy and so does your guy. If you’re constantly asking questions about who this person is, or that person who’s commenting on his Facebook wall, showing up in his Twitter feeds or Instagram (yet you’re always asking about some attractive girl and NOT the guys commenting) you appear to be insecure and also invading some of his privacy. It’s especially annoying when guys catch their girlfriends or potential partners sneaking a glimpse of their cell phone screen or messages, or trying to unlock their partners’ phone while they’ve stepped away. Some girls want to unlock ALL their codes and have an “Open All Access Pass” to all their private things. It would seem to a guy that you want to play Staff Sargent, rather than girlfriend and that point.

I hope this helps give you some insight to what guys want in order for you to get an edge above the rest.

Important Dressing Tips for Fall Dating

1. Dress for the colder weather
The first step to knowing what to wear is to check with your weather person, or weather station to get an idea of what you can expect in terms of weather! Being comfortable, and dressing appropriately for your occasion and the winter weather is important to being happy. If you feel cold and forget to wear your hat and gloves, your attention will be on how COLD you are, and how uncomfortable you are. If it’s snowing or about to snow and you get stuck with regular shoes, then your feet will get wet. If there’s a chance of rain, bring your umbrella just in case. There’s plenty of fun outdoor activities that can be done in the winter, but you can only truly enjoy them when you’re comfortable enough to participate. If you’re planning a hike as an example you may want that extra layer of clothing or your thermal underwear so you don’t have to call it quits after 15 minutes!

2. Be the warmth in the winter with your “sunny” personality
Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean that YOU have to be. If you’re really not a winter person, you can make the BEST of it. Complaining about the weather doesn’t change it, and may also make you appear to be negative. Avoid strong statements like “I HATE this” or “I HATE that”, as your mother should have taught you, “Don’t say anything out loud, if you have nothing good to say”. You can certainly warm up your company if you truly are enjoying yourself. Pack a thermos with some hot chocolate or chicken noodle soup, what a great little treat for an outdoor activity.

3. Winter Clothing can still be fashionable
There are many winter and fall fashions, that are still quite fashionable and stylish. Take your time and be selective when choosing your winter accessories. Invest in a matching pair of hat and gloves that are ALSO warm, and can keep you warm are fashionable and sensible. Scarves are a great accent piece for both men and women and come in a variety of styles to use for various occasions. Men, the lumber jacket is great when you’re in the REAL outdoors or at a VERY casual affair, but not advisable to wear when headed to a fancy dinner or out at a social event. And ladies, find a form flattering yet “eye-catching” jacket so you can still feel sexy and attractive without completely covering yourself up in an over sized coat. Remember that shoes and boots must always be clean and not full of salt, mud or unsightly wear and tear, it leaves a bad impression on your dates.

So there are a few quick tips on how to enjoy activities and dating in the winter. Although the animals are hibernating, you certainly don’t have to!

Please share your feedback with us and any tips you have to suggest on curing the winter dating blues!

Your MMA Dating Expert Carmelia Ray

Making a Good First Impression!

Here are the top 4 things people instantly notice about you, to form a “first impression”. It takes 6 – 14 seconds to make an impression. Let’s make sure it’s a good one!

1. Body Language: 55% of what you communicate to someone is based on your body language. Your smile is a great way to form a great first impression. Imagine how you would feel if you were introduced to someone that was noticeably angry or irritable? You would probably be saying to yourself “I wonder what’s his/her problem!” If you saw a man yelling at his partner, a mother scolding a child, a person slouched over their desk, a woman crying out loud….you’re impression of these people would start off with a negative tone. Especially if you were AVOIDING these types of people. Eye contact is a form of body language. Looking at someone in their eyes with attention, and wearing a big smile; is one of the best impressions you could have about someone. When you look away at someone, have poor posture, seem tired or like you’re “dragging your feet”, these are not desirable traits of someone you are looking to share your life with.

2. Personal Grooming and Hygiene: Fella’s: When you stretch out your hand to say hello, can she see dirt under your fingernails? Are you clean shaved? Do you have unsightly body hair such as nose and ear hair growing wildly? Do you have an ODOR to you after working all day? Are you teeth, nails and hair clean? Do your clothes look old or dirty? Ladies: Does your hair need to be cut? Do you need a manicure or pedicure? Are you wearing too much perfume? Are your clothes out dated?
Your personal hygiene and grooming habits may reflect the type of lifestyle and income you have. When someone looks disheveled and unkempt, this is often associated to someone being “lazy” and possibly financially strapped. However, if you pride yourself in your appearance and pay attention to the “little things”; this may be indicative of the care they take in other areas of their life.

3. Attitude: They say your attitude goes a long way! This is very true when it comes to forming an impression. Both men and women are attracted to positive people who are confident. Does your attitude reflect someone who is scared or shy? Do you come off as arrogant or dominant?  Do you seem easy going & friendly or bitter & cold? If you have a negative attitude, THIS is the opinion that will form=She is negative. Is your chest out, back straight, have great eye contact and seem like you’ve JUST won the lottery? That’s the type of person who is irresistible.

4. Tone of Voice: Do you have to lean over your shoulder and be so close to their mouth so you can make out what they’re saying? OR, Are you covering your ears because this person is practically yelling at you? Tone of voice accounts for 38% of the impact people have when forming an impression. HOW you say something is more impaction then WHAT you say. People will react to various tones of voice. It’s the “em-PHA-sis” on words and sentences, that people notice. Your tone of voice should never be threatening or condescending. They say you can hear a smile over the phone; and it’s true.

Now that you know a few of the areas that people notice on first impression; we hope you apply what you’ve learned to make yourself a GREAT first impression.

Your MMA Dating Expert






Carmelia Ray 

For more great tips Download my free eBook

Important Dating Rules

Rule #1 : Be yourself

It’s amazing how so many people I speak with, talk about how the person they were dating all of a sudden “changed”. After several months of dating, and in some cases several years, their partner started acting and behaving differently or completely OPPOSITE from how they were in the first place. The reason this happens is for some reason, many people PRETEND to be someone that they’re not. Their “true colors” and true personalities reveal themselves after they fall into the comfort zone. I’m not sure about you, but it’s only a matter of time before you get tired of being someone that you’re really NOT. If you don’t get important things clear and out in the open in the early stages of dating, the FACT is that those differences WILL become an issue down the road. When you fake being someone that you really aren’t, remember that you end up attracting someone that actually WANTS to be with the person you’re pretending to be! Then when you admit that you really CAN’T STAND family functions and going to church on Sundays, you not only end up hurting the other person’s feelings, but you end up wasting both of your time. If you can’t be yourself with your partner, then you’re asking for guaranteed relationship woes down the road. If you attracted someone into your life because they have this belief that you are this “other person” that you KNOW you are not (let’s say you’re a smoker but never told them), eventually the truth comes out, and you end up losing the person you wanted to be with when they discover that you’re a fake.

Rule #2: Stop repeating the same mistakes

Have you ever caught yourself falling for the same type of person? You know, the type that you’re attracted to, but they end up being really bad for you? You can almost pick them out from a crowded bar, but THIS time, it’s going to be different! It’s amazing how many really smart people end up making repetitive relationship mistakes because they just haven’t learned from their last failed relationship. If you really take a hard look at your past relationships and try to figure out the type of person that DOESN’T work, you should run for the hills when someone new you meet has the SAME characteristics of the last person it didn’t work out with. Maybe it’s the insecure, needy type. Maybe it’s the egotistical, controlling person. Maybe this person isn’t financially stable, but is just such a nice guy! Really? Do you really enjoy the mental torture and head banging, or do you want to take the clues and move on? I hope you pick option #2

Rule #3: You can’t really change people

Countless singles have shared their stories with me about how they were hoping their partner would change! Can you imagine the amount of WORK and HOURS that someone would have to undergo to change someone’s habits, lifestyle and upbringing? As the saying goes, you can’t change a leopards spots. Whatever is someone’s inherent nature is WHO THEY ARE. And there is no magic pill that you can make someone take, in order to make them tidier, more caring, more sociable, more understanding, less aggressive, more passionate or whatever else you want this person to BE LIKE when they already are, who they are. This does not mean or imply that people CAN’T change or that they WON’T change, but the change comes from THEM. The fact is, that we can’t make someone do anything! When you are trying to understand your partner or potential partner, you are getting to know this person. Along the way, you need to ask yourself whether or not you are able to ACCEPT them as they are right now; without having them go through a complete personality make over! No one is perfect, but if you’re with someone and there’s a major issue that you know will be challenge in the future, but you’re hoping they will change? It’s best to cut your losses and find someone who already has the SAME values and personality that you really need and want to compliment your life.

With love,






Carmelia Ray




Ultimate A-Z Guide to Attracting and Keeping Your Soul Mate – MMA 8 Part Series (Final Part 8)


V is for Vibrant

A person with a vibrant personality is someone who is active and lively. The perception of a person with a vibrant personality is that he or she is more fun! Most character traits are infectious and when you are around a vibrant person, you can’t help but want to be around them. They are oozing of energy, activity and liveliness. Vibrant people have big smiles, they laugh out loud and they have a very positive and evergetic aura about them. Do you easily notice a glittering diamond versus a dull gem? You hardly notice stones in the sand unless you spot something shiny; the same is true for people and their personalities. The dull, quiet, shy and reserved people often get lost in the crowd. If you want to be noticed, you have to step out of your comfort zone and be noticed for all your great qualities.

W is for Witty

A witty person is someone who can think quickly and usually has a very quick, often clever and sometimes funny instant come back to remarks or comments that are made by another person. Witty persons are also often charming and smart. Wit is intelligent humour. To develop your skills as a witty person, you often need to be knowledgeable about current events and world affairs in order to participate in conversations and engage in several topics of interest. The witty person is the person who can be involved in conversations, regardless of the topic and offers something interesting and clever in his/her response.

X is for X-Ray Vision

What does it mean to have X-ray vision when it comes to dating, finding, attracting and keeping the right partner? Well, I am referring to having insight and foresight when it comes to this part of your life. Having insight about yourself and your situation is step 1. When you understand the cause and effect of your behaviour, your dress, your words, your thoughts and your actions as it relates to dating, then you have insight. To be able to understand how your actions and words affect people around you, you become more conscious of the things you say and do.

Y is for Youthful

Youthful people are vibrant, energetic, enthusiastic, active, cheerful, adventurous and often spontaneous types. Many singles over 40 often put on their “wishlist” that they want someone who is youthful. As you age, you don’t need to lose your sense of
humour. Be sure to see the positive and funny things in all situations. A lot of women have shared with me that they are tired of meeting grumpy old farts that seem to do nothing but complain!