Getting back out there, 2nd time around or more!

As a singles coach, there are 2 most frequently asked questions:

·         How do you get over the fear of dating after so many years of not being “on the scene”?

·         How do you open your heart again after it’s been hurt more than once

It’s daunting and scary, it’s new and exiting to say the least, and what I tell every client is that we are a culmination of our experiences and wisdom gained and we must evaluate even before we embark upon “dating” some “pre-dating” preparations that are needed to truly make the most of our upcoming experiences.

Words of wisdom: Until you become the person you are looking for, you will not attract the kind of person you want. ? 

You’re newly single, lived through your significant other having an affair, or perhaps came to the realization that you’re not meant to be together, so you’re single and what I believe is the best time of one’s life is “singledom”. Making the most of this experience and enjoy it…being newly single is a wonderful time for discovery.

Before we even talk about “dating” are you ready to date is the more important question.

Have you done the work on yourself, i.e.: review and resolve the pain, disillusionment, figured out what type of person you no longer wish to attract, breaking of the patterns, and finally do you realize who you are now, versus who you were. This work takes time and too many jump into relationships soon after they break up as they are “lonely” or feel the void and have to replace it…which most times is the “rebound” or transitional period and most relationships that begin this way don’t end very well.

Another great thing to do for yourself while working on the “inner you” is a personal makeover! You deserve it!  While taking the time to heal, many tend to “let themselves go”. So nows the ideal times to change your color, hairstyle, take a serious look at your wardrobe: are you suffering from being stuck in the 80’s? Get a few new outfits, new shoes, some jewelry, maybe a hat! This is for both men and women. As I see a lot of men over 40 going for on a date in their sweats and cap, and this does not make for a good 1^st impression. 

Feeling good about how you look will boost your self esteem and body image like nothing else! 

The next thing is your self confidence. By doing the makeover this will boost your confidence to a higher level, coupled with the fact (I hope) you’ve already embarked upon the road of “attaining your new desires, cleansed your soul, healed from your pain, as well as ridding yourself of negative people.

If you truly desire to “get out there” that leads us to the last phase.

Desire, I love that word! It is a yearning sensation; it isn’t the same as wanting or needing. The desire to meet someone, the desire to eat that chocolate bar, the desire to change jobs, whenever I say that word it some how puts more emphasis on whatever it is I desire.

Have you ever really thought of the difference, as there is one…Needing and wanting is not the same thing…The Rolling Stones say it best…”You can’t always get what you want but you get what you need”

A need is something you require. Food, shelter, money to survive.

Wanting is closer to desire. You want affection, you want a better job, you want to find love, you want to better yourself. You don’t “need” love, or to better yourself, or do you need affection or a better job. You want it! Wanting lacks the yearning, which brings us to desire. Desire is that burning, yearning sensation that is deep within us that makes things happen.

I have one question, are you ready?

Terri Giosia

Singles Coach

www.terrigiosia.com