You’ve Made Me Stronger By Breaking My Heart

Jun 25, 2010 No Comments »

Embarking on the path of dating after a break-up can be a challenge… If you were in a long-term relationship, it may feel strange and scary – going on dates, getting to know new people, and moreover, trusting them. You are still bitter and disappointed, you are still very sad; however, is there a better cure from an unhappy ending than a new beginning? Are we all scared at times to immerse into  something new because the old experience is still very much alive and holding us back? The cliché “rebound” – is it that bad? Of course, we have to allow ourselves to sink into our sorrows and to feel the pain for a certain period of time, as suppressing it can be a dangerous endeavor. However, getting stuck in your unhappiness is not less alerting.

Before locking yourself in the gloomy compartment of regrets and self-pity, consider this: just talking to the people who are not our friends or lovers yet, who do not know anything about the pitfalls and highs of our previous relationship, can be rejuvenating.

Instead of succumbing to your grief, just try to recreate yourself. Invent a new and exciting storyline – where you are this cool and successful guy or a tough girl, happy to be looking for the new beginnings, enjoying your time alone, and ready to meet a new love – because you more than deserve it. Only you know about that bad break-up, and while you have embraced it – you do not have to dwell on it (or to pour your sorrows onto a stranger in the neighborhood pub). Letting the pain in your past ruin your present and future is simply not an option. It is NOT an option.

Try to practice the following effective exercise: close your eyes, relax, and imagine yourself growing in size, becoming stronger and more confident with every moment. See yourself filling up the room, feel your fingers touching the ceiling. See the person who hurt you getting smaller and smaller, until he or she becomes a little dot on the floor. And then – send your good energy to them, because you are generous, and you wish them good no matter what. You wish them to grow and to be happy wherever they are. By being generous you become a winner, not a victim. Is there any way to resist a person like you – confident, powerful, and open to love? Smile, because you are full of anticipation; enjoy your newly acquired freedom and intriguing possibilities ahead.

We all know that bringing your old emotional luggage into a new relationship can be frustrating and challenging for both parties. However, very often we cannot disconnect from the person who “got under our skin”, from the one who could have made us happy, but chose to look for their own happiness somewhere else. It is time to burn the bridges, and for that we do need to reinvent ourselves. Of course, it is much easier said than done. But it is also much easier done when you are among or with the people who do not know about your painful experience. Sink into the dating scene, go to as many dates as possible – to feel the energy of other people, to enjoy their attention, and maybe just to make some new friends. Do not be afraid of a rebound fling or of some innocent flirts: as long as they do not turn into a bitter act of revenge, these little adventures are going to make your road back to confidence and happiness easier and smoother. And one day, rather sooner than later, you will be able to repeat after Velasquez “…and I have you to thank for setting me free…”

Until Next Time,

Alla Arshakyan, Psychotherapist
Individual, Couple, and Marriage Counseling
www.reachforpsychotherapy.com

Related posts:

1. Has a Heart Racing Situation Ever Worked in Your Favour?
2. Holding Pattern
3. What Does Love Have To Do With It?
4. Life Can Be Much Easier
5. Beware The Words, “I Love You”