It’s great when you meet a person where the chemistry is great and the sparks fly. The challenge becomes, How can you keep this person in your life? For the problem is that a great sexual attraction doesn’t always turn into the lasting relationship you might want it to be. Over time, be it weeks or months, your partner might lose interest in you even when you are trying your best to keep the romance going.
So what can you do to truly move your relationship forward into one which will last?
1. Remain Confident In Yourself
Your partner will be attracted to you because he or she finds you attractive, special, and fun to be with. When you initially meet, they will be so intrigued with you, they will want to know everything about you. This will cause you to feel important and special. The intensity of the first weeks and months is truly intoxicating. It is only natural to expect that this wonderful intensity will last.
This is not realistic. What you need to understand here is that when the initial intensity reduces, it doesn’t mean that your partner has lost interest in you – only that other aspects of their life which they have put on hold need attention. If you misinterpret what is happening, you may mistakenly believe your partner has lost interest. In suddenly feel desperate at the thought of losing your partner, you may become needy, clingy, or too demanding.
Being strongly emotional in this way can destroy the relationship because you now will have changed from a relaxed, fun-to-be-with confident person into somewhat of a problem. Instead of being the person that your partner goes to for fun, you will become a problem that they will want to avoid. This will translate into your relationship being suddenly ended.
How to avoid this very common challenge? Remain confident in yourself. Understand that for a relationship to transform from an intense romance to a lasting, solid relationship, you will be a part of your partner’s life but not 100% of it. Your partner will want to have a balanced life with focus on career, family, health and fitness, personal life goals. You should want the same for yourself as well.
And so, when your partner wants to focus on other aspects of their life, stay confident in the fact that they still find you special and value your company. They simply have other aspects of their life that are important as well. If you hold onto your own belief in yourself, you will be able to avoid putting too much pressure on your partner causing an early termination of your relationship. Rather, you will remain an important person in your partner’s life. As such, they will want to keep you in their life.
2. Be Interested In Your Partner’s Life Goals
To create a relationship which lasts, you need to be seen as a valuable addition to your partner’s life.
This means that you need to be interested in aspects of your partner’s life which are independent of your relationship – career, health and fitness, family, and personal goals.
Intense romantic relationships are fun in the short term. But like a wonderful vacation, at some point, you need to come back to real life. To create a relationship which lasts, you need to become the person your partner wants to come home to. This means that you must be the person your partner wants to talk to about aspects of their lives which are important to them and which might not be going as well as they would like. You must be the person who will listen, be empathic, and offer helpful advice. If you do so, you will become indispensible in your partner’s life.
3. Build Your Own Self-Confidence
Creating a lasting relationship requires self-confidence and the capacity to be a true support to your partner. This is certainly easier said than done when you lack confidence in yourself. The tendency to become needy or demanding is only human when you fear that you are losing the love of a partner who has provided you with so much fun and support.
How can you build your own self-confidence? By building up your own self-esteem and self-worth. If you are like a great many people, you will secretly believe that you aren’t good enough. You will believe this because of events which will have happened earlier in your life which will have caused you to doubt your own worth. What you must discover is that you have everything you need to become self-confident, and to enjoy a lasting, loving relationship, along with all good things in your life.
To build up your self-confidence and come to know how wonderful you truly are, an excellent resource is the book, Transform Your Life Now by Andrea J. Moses. You can learn more about it on www.getyourlifeunstuck.com.
The bottom line is this: You deserve to have love and happiness in your life. But what you must understand is that only you can make this happen. To transform your romance into a lasting relationship, you must develop the confidence to become the person whom your partner wants to come home to. If you are having difficulty transforming your romances into a lasting relationship, developing your own self-confidence will be the key to your success.
Until Next Time,
Andrea J. Moses, M.S.W.
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