Phone Etiquette When Dating

Jun 06, 2009 No Comments »

Wouldn’t it make single life a lot easier if dating were just straightforward? Wouldn’t it be great if everyone was on the same page with this stuff? That would be nice. That would really be nice. Unfortunately there are problems that pop up in all aspects of dating that drive single people crazy. Phone etiquette is one of those places.

If you call too much you seem over eager. If you wait too long to call you look like you’re playing games. You can’t win, can you? So, what are the rules that govern phoning the man or woman you’re dating?

Exchanging phone numbers – Not everyone will want to give a phone number to someone they’ve only just met. This is especially true with online dating, and even more so when you haven’t met in person yet. Many are more comfortable with emails and online chats, and even when you meet someone at a party this may be all you’re offered. There’s nothing wrong with this, so all you can really do is respect it. After two or three dates though, there should be enough trust to move past that; if there are still no phone numbers exchanged, you should have a conversation about it. Just, evidently, not on the phone.

Phoning the next day – They tell single men not to phone the day after a first date because it makes them look over eager. This is mostly entirely untrue. Frankly, man or woman, if getting a phone call from you the day after a date puts someone off, well, you don’t need them anyway.

What to say on the next-day phone call – The phone call itself shouldn’t constitute coming on too strong, but you can easily say things that do. Unless the conversation naturally progresses somewhere else there are only a few things that really need to be said. In a nutshell, you should thank them for joining you for coffee, dinner, a movie, or whatever it is you did. You should say what a great time you had and that you should do something again soon. Lastly, you should suggest getting in touch in the next few days to plan something for the following *insert preferred day here.*

Returning a phone call even though you’re not interested – This is the more humane thing to do, right? Of course, it’s not the most human thing. Most prefer to simply not answer or return calls when we’re not interested in the other person. For some reason this is easier than actually explaining that we’re not interested. Well, right or wrong it’s the way things are and have been for quite some time. It’s not something you should do to someone, but if it’s done to you all you can really do is let it go. Accept that that’s the way some people operate and don’t start calling back to express how rude you found it.

Your phone calls aren’t returned – If the first phone call isn’t returned after a few days, it’s okay to phone again. After this, phoning again is generally bad form. At this point it’s best to just take a hint and cut your losses. The best thing to do on that second call then, if it goes to voicemail, is to end the message with a form of finality and let them know that you’d like to talk again but the ball is in their court.

Call display – It exists. Live with it. Phoning a dozen times and leaving only one message is the same as phoning a dozen times and leaving a dozen messages. If they aren’t answering or calling back you have to take it as a cue to stop. This is why it’s usually best to always leave a message. That way you don’t have to wonder if they saw you called, or if they are hoping you’ll call back, etc. Instead you lay it out on the voicemail. Oh, and it should go without saying that purposefully blocking your number or using a different phone to make multiple calls is no better. In fact, it’s worse. Much worse.

Have you had any bad phone experiences? Are you afraid that some of your phone habits have resulted in things going wrong in your dating life? It’s happened to most singles at one point or another. Feel free to share your experiences in our comments section.

Related posts:

1. Top Turnoffs for Women
2. Who Pays for a Date: Etiquette and Tact
3. Signs That a Single Woman is Interested in You
4. Tips For Safe Internet Dating
5. Cheap Dates