How To Attract Women – A Sarcastic Guide For The Modern Man

May 18, 2010 3 Comments »

Every man on Earth knows that women can be clingy, whining, too sensitive, too demanding – and therefore, completely intolerable. However, it is definitely nice to have somebody cook and clean for you, and every so often remind you what a great catch you are. Display your best qualities, deliver your best performances, and you will enjoy your blossoming romance.

• Be sensitive. Whenever she wants to talk to you, stop her. Tell her that you do not need words, you can feel what bothers her, and there is no need to discuss it. You cannot spoil this deep emotional and spiritual connection with flat words and cliché phrases.

• Be spontaneous. If you have decided to go to the movies, and she is already dressed up, tell her that you are feeling stressed out, and the only way to ease your dangerous condition is to have a couple of beers with your friends in the neighborhood pub.

• Be attentive. Make sure that the little pimple on her nose is noticed and discussed. Do not forget to emphasize the fact that her new and long anticipated dress seems to be tight for her – ask her if they didn’t have a bigger size at the store, or suggest joining the gym tomorrow. Pointing out that the dress would fit her best friend perfectly, could also be helpful – she should appreciate the fact that you do care about her friends.

• Be generous. Never resist her intentions to pay at the restaurant – you cannot deprive her of this little joy. And remember that tie your aunt gave you three years ago? The one you called “ridiculous and outdated”? Show your generosity – she should be grateful that you are ready to part with this emotionally valuable subject, and to give it as a birthday present for her dad.

• Be tolerant. Do not get irritated when she nags you for ten days about fixing that chest drawer. Do not get annoyed with her ludicrous desire to make love at least twice a month. Show to her that you are rising above her little weaknesses, and therefore allowing her to watch her dumb TV shows while you shower.

• Be courteous. Always let your lady be the first to enter unknown places or dark movie theatres. Do not humiliate her by carrying her heavy suitcase – do you want to imply that she is not physically fit? Never offend her by offering to drive her home – she might think that you doubt her ability to get a cab at 3 in the morning.

• Be creative. Do not insult her with standard “the subway was overcrowded, and that’s how I got lipstick on my face” explanation. Come up with an exciting and thrilling story, with rescues and chases, describe your courageous and noble actions, and let her know that you were ignoring danger for the sake of justice. Expect her to admire you and to regret her offensive accusations.

If after all the effort you’ve put into this relationship she dares to end it, and for some reason does not want you to have her number on your speed dial – then it is her loss. You know that it will take a genuinely outstanding woman to appreciate your admirable qualities.

Talk Soon,

Alla Arshakyan, Psychotherapist
Individual and couple counselling
www.reachforpsychotherapy.com

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