Honesty = Online Attractiveness

Apr 23, 2010 2 Comments »

If there is one thing that sends my “turn off signals” through the roof, it is someone who is not honest when dating on line or through a phone system. I have had this experience, where men have lied to me about how they looked and have heard this same complaint from others (men and women) during various conversations.

How can someone possibly think that I wouldn’t discover what they ACTUALLY looked like when I met them in person?

I am not sure what goes through people’s minds when they decide to go that route, but what a huge TURN OFF for both men and women. I would like to examine the underlying issue as to why this happens and what we can do within ourselves to not create falsehoods.

I believe that insecurity tops the list of the reasons for this issue. If someone is not as happy and they could be with their appearance, then how could “real” people be OK with it? For this reason, they devise an “ideal” appearance to try and force a false foundation for that “relationship”. Society places such a high value on physical appearance that we seem to think that a “Barbie” type woman or a “Ken” type man is the real deal.

What society fails to realize is that physical appearance is only part of the attractiveness one possesses. There are many other pieces that need to be considered: self confidence, personality, goals, dreams, communication preferences, beliefs, values, and the list goes on and on. All these pieces play a part on how we “look” to the other person. Each person has different qualities that they are looking for in a mate based on their past history and personal preferences. The old adages are 100% true – beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and you can’t judge a book by its cover.

There are several things that can be done to build your inner attractiveness to help become the beautiful person each of us is capable of being on the outside. The first step is learning to love yourself just the way you are at this moment in time. You can do this through positive affirmations exercises and believing in yourself. Then you can take control and change the pieces you want by using Counseling and Life Coaching which can assist in helping to get beyond what is holding you back or making you “feel unattractive”. Exercising and eating properly are also great ways to make the body “glow” and feel better; even if you start out by using 15 minutes a day in a walk, a bike ride, a swim, or playing with your children. This will, in turn, make you feel more positive about you and help develop skills of confidence and trust in yourself. This gives you the ability to look at others and yourself and say, “I am ok with me and it is ok if we don’t match, someone will match with me at some point.” It will also help you realistically look at what you don’t prefer in someone and be fine with that as well.

The ultimate thing you can do is BE HONEST with the other person. It has been my experience (even when I wasn’t as confident about me) to share exactly what I looked like to that other person. They did appreciate my honesty and it made us both feel better that there were people out there who were being honest as to their appearance; even if we did not “match” with what each other wanted.

Lynnette Vetsch; Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
www.amaxa.org

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1. Online Dating: Your Match is Guaranteed
2. Do You Find More Disappointment When Meeting Singles Online?
3. Online Dating: Things You Should Not Do
4. First Encounters: Second Time Around Fears
5. Online Dating: Tips for Writing the Introductory Email