Fear Of Loving

May 19, 2010 No Comments »

There is a plethora of fears we try to overcome throughout our lives: fear of walking, when we are toddlers, fear of not fitting in, of being abandoned, fear of being rejected, fear of failing, fear of flying, fear of dying. Some of them are inborn, inherent; others are socially constructed and subliminally dictated. But the only fear that we create for ourselves is the fear of love. It contributes to our dissonance with the universal energy, which is filled with unconditional love towards every type of being – a drop of water, a leaf, a kitten, a human. The universe is not afraid of love, why should we be?

We are not born with this fear, no, it comes with painful experiences, losses and disappointments. In youth, we seek this love in every person, we believe in it wholly and completely. But with every failed relationship and all the unmet expatiations, with every deal-breaker or heart-breaker, the walls of self preservation grow thicker and stronger, and without knowing, we build ourselves into an emotional prison. We set boundaries, we create check lists, we give up hope, and sometimes even settle for less.

And then it hits us, sometimes too late – when we’ve grown too jaded, and too out of touch. Love, in its purest form, unselfish and undemanding, yet overpowering and suffocating, bursts in uninvited. It is not something we can deserve– it is something we receive for no reason, and we do not know what to do with it. There comes the inevitable and often overwhelming fear. What if? What if it is not real? What if it is short-lived? What if I get hurt? The fear is like a vast fog, paralyzing and depriving us of the ability to see things clearly; it dictates our reactions and creates false perceptions.

Are we weak or just cautious? Are we foolish to ignore the possibly only chance or are we wise enough to protect ourselves from future pains and losses? Our ego plays a tricky game with us. It loves to be loved, but it warns us not to surrender. It deceives us with worries about potential failures, and forces upon us its reaction – unwillingness to risk being humiliated by rejection or abandonment.

Being in tune with the universe means being in tune with yourself. Fear of love breaks these natural connections, and transfers our relationship to the word around us and within us to strictly physical and materials ties. Perhaps, many of us realize this; however, that is only half the battle, and often time, we run back into the shelter of our self made prison.

Only being fully aware of the present moment can empower us with the greatest gift we are meant to have – ability to love unconditionally…

Talk to your fear, make it go away, surrender to love, enjoy its happiness and its pains to the fullest, be grateful for its unpredictability and complexity; be stronger than your ego – don’t look for a pay off, or a guarantee. Accept today as your only chance to love, and accept love as your only chance today.

Talk Soon,

Alla Arshakyan, Psychotherapist
Individual And Couple Counseling
www.reachforpsychotherapy.com

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