Dating mistakes are common, and they are widely known. We don’t usually see them in ourselves though, which is due to our unique point of view, perspective and I think something to do with Einstein’s theory of relativity. Just because we don’t see the mistakes happening doesn’t mean they aren’t there. The good news is, we don’t need to pinpoint them to correct them.
One of the smartest ways to avoid dating mistakes is to stop trying to be someone you’re not. Don’t confuse this with not dressing up, being extra polite or finding good things to talk about. You can do those things while being yourself. What you should avoid is going on dates you can’t afford, or doing all sorts of sporty things when you really aren’t the sporty type. This makes dating too much work, and it makes it a lie that will eventually collapse upon you in a very painful way.
Having fun is another thing you should remember to do. Should dating stop being fun, something is going wrong and mistakes will happen. For instance, far too many of us have made the blunder of putting pressure on our dates by talking about the future too soon. How do you avoid that? By having fun in the present. Not only is this good advice, it’s common sense. Dating should be fun, and if you keep it that way, mistakes will be hard to come by.
Lastly, remember your friends. When you start seeing your friends, and family for that matter, far less than you used to, you’ve got problems. As a relationship progresses, this is normal, but in the early days of dating, this leads to feelings of being smothered and clinginess. Focusing on not being clingy can be difficult, so instead, focus on maintaining your existing friendships and the rest will follow.
Until Next Time,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
Let’s face it, when it comes to dating, men aren’t exactly known for being, let’s say, sharp. Okay, when it comes to a lot of things men aren’t all that sharp. Dating poses a bit of a challenge though, because in the grand scheme of things, we just don’t get it. What do women want? What do women expect? These are tough questions that lead us astray.
Men show off – It’s in our nature. A lot of us just can’t help it. We show off in our own unique ways. We do it because we think the women will swoon over it, we do it because it’s easier than conversation, and we do it because, whatever the talent is, we enjoy doing it. Now, showing off for a bit, at the right time, is perfectly fine and impressive, but once we let it take over the date we become dull and boring.
Forgetting the pedestal – Women should be put up on a pedestal, but we tend to leave these at home sometimes. It’s a huge dating mistake to leave out comments about how nice she looks, not pulling out the chair once in a while or opening a few doors. I think a lot of guys feel silly doing these things, because they are such cliché gestures, but do them anyway.
Mistaking sucking up for chivalry – It’s true, a lot of women like the compliments and kind gestures, but overdoing is a dating mistake you’ll quickly regret. There’s a thick, thick line between compliments and sucking up. Do nice things, say nice things, but if this makes up the dominant portion of your date, well, you’re back to dull, boring and a little creepy.
These types of dating mistakes are the type that are woven deep into our personalities. They are hard to avoid because they are a part of who we are, so if you can identify them in yourself, take some time to work them out of your programming. It’ll take a while, but it’ll happen, and then things should start going better on the dating scene.
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
The hardest thing a lot of people find about going on first dates is finding something to talk about. After all, there’s no history between the two of you to feed off of, and so the conversation can’t really be organic. A great first date tip, therefore, is to think ahead of things that you can talk about. Don’t prepare a script for how you’ll talk about these things, but just keep them in the back of your mind in case the conversation doesn’t flow on its own.
They are the best topic around – It’s very rare to find a person who doesn’t like to talk about themselves. This isn’t an egotistical thing… okay, actually it sort of is, but not in the negative way. It’s just that we find it easy to talk about ourselves, we are familiar with the topic, and it creates a very nice sense of comfort. When it comes to dating, it also lets us know the other person is actually interested.
Where in the world… – Travel is a wonderful topic. If your date shows interest in the places you’ve gone, then by all means talk about your travels, but be sure to leave room for them to ask questions, and gear your stories to those specific things they are interested in. Encourage your date to talk about their travels as well, but here’s a tip: if you sense they haven’t gone anywhere exciting, don’t make them feel inferior by talking up all your own adventures.
Where you are now – Whether you’re in a coffee shop, a restaurant or a park, there’s conversation to be made. Is this the best coffee you ever had? Are there other restaurants like this in town? It’s easy to inspire conversation with any given surroundings, so ride that out as long as you can. This is also a great way to get a feel for someone’s tastes and style.
These three first date conversation tips are definitely winners, and all the dating pros will tell you so. Remember though, these aren’t things you have to talk about. If the conversation is going fine as it is, don’t force an unnatural change by bringing up one of these things. If you’re the type who regularly plans ahead for things to talk about on dates, then you’ll know what I mean and could probably share a story or two of your own.
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
These aren’t just dating mistakes, they can be deal breakers. Remember, everything you do on a date shapes a woman’s view of you, which helps her decide whether she’ll see you again, answer your calls or stick around long enough for you to walk her to her car.
Being cheap – Don’t be cheap. It’s unattractive. If you go on a date, especially if you initiated the date, you should be willing to pay. Many women want to pay their own way, but many are happy to be treated by the gentleman. If you don’t offer to pay, you lose. That said, telling someone not to order certain things because they’re expensive is even worse. You don’t have to spend beyond your means to be a good date, you just have to go someone that is within those means. When money is tight, stick with coffee, a walk on the beach or a picnic in the park. You’ll find that some of those things score you more points anyway.
Swearing like a sailor – Sorry to any sailors out there who are sick of this stereotype, I really don’t know any sailors to claim any accuracy here. Either way, swearing is an awful dating mistake. If your date does it, and it’s really out there in the open, then whatever. Go wild. Otherwise, keep the dirty words to yourself. A date is not a time to be the everyday you. It’s a time to be the special, showy you.
Hating people – Expressing any kind of racism goes beyond dating mistakes, but it deserves mentioning. Even if you think you’re joking, it won’t likely come out as funny during the first few dates with a person. Beyond racism though, expressing hatred for anyone just paints you in a bad light and ruins the early impressions you are trying to make. If you hate the waiter, for whatever reasons, keep it to yourself. Your boss, the guy across the hall, anyone, if you hate them, don’t talk about them. Simple.
Any women out there? When’s the last time you let a man get away with anything like this while dating? Let us know by sharing your thoughts in the comments section. My feeling is, if this stuff happened on a first date, there wasn’t a second.
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
Conversation starters aren’t the same as conversation topics. Topics are much heavier and specific, whereas a conversation starter is just something that gets the ball rolling. When all goes well, the ball rolls towards a great big topic of its own. That’s why, along with having some fallback conversation topics in mind, a first date tip we always recommend is to learn some good ways to start conversation organically.
What your date is wearing – Guy or girl, people like to be complimented on their outfits. If you zone in on a specific thing, you’ll not only flatter them, but you’ll likely spark a conversation. These tends to work best with the smaller accessories because necklaces, broaches, rings, and so on, are the kinds of things bought while travelling, gifted from close friends, or bought for memorably occasions. See how this starts a conversation?
The worst movie you saw – Asking for favorite movies feels fake and cliché, and any favorites conversation risks leading to dull silence while people weight their options. A great date tip is to ask someone to tell you what ranks at the bottom of their lists. Recently seen bad movies are easy to recall, and offer lots to whine about. This also shows personality a lot more than “I loved Shawshank Redemption.” I mean, who didn’t?
The lack of conversation – If you are noticing conversation is stagnant, chances are your date is noticing it too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing this up, so long as you don’t get insulting about it. “Isn’t it nerve racking sometimes, starting conversation with someone you’ve just met?” This isn’t always a winner, but when it works, it’s golden.
Try these out on your next first date, or even second date, and let us know how they go. If you don’t have a big date coming up, then see what this does in conversation with friends or coworkers. You may be surprised, and your fellow blog readers will definitely want to hear about it.
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
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