I heard a story the other day about a couple who met in just about the oddest way. The woman was minding her own business one night at home, doing some work, watching Grey’s, or whatever her night might have involved, and then her phone rang. She answered and the guy on the other end started going on about stuff she didn’t understand. She quickly interjected and the guy realized, oops, he’d called the wrong number.
Case closed, right? Sorry. It’s okay. Hang-up. Move on with your lives. But no, in this case they kept talking. They talked “…for hours.” Romantic so far? Right. So the next night they got on the phone and talked some more, about movies, about work, about social lives, and perhaps even about Grey’s. Needless to say, they eventually decided to meet in person and have been happily dating ever since.
Right. That’s odd. That’s out there. But it can happen.
The thing is it seems to happen one heck of a lot. A brief Google search—yes, I know I have too much time on my hands—revealed about half a dozen stories, each ending in marriage. Those half dozen were all on one page, so who knows what would happen if I kept clicking and counting.
The wrong number stories were all pretty much the same, except that one of the ones from the last few years involved text messaging. Now, I get people calling me by mistake all the time—my number spells my name (I knew a guy, okay?) and someone has the same number, and same name, with a different area code. I can’t help but wonder now how I can’t seem to turn any of those coincidence-filled wrong numbers into a conversation while all these other people are turning it into love.
Needless to say I’m a little suspicious. Who are these people that entertain strangers on the phone? More confusing to me than that is wondering how entertaining the people at these wrong numbers must be in the first few seconds to sway the poor dialer to forget about the person he/she originally wanted to contact.
So is this all a sham? Is it an attempt made by a few people here and there to get some prenuptial media attention? Maybe it’s that the guys making the calls weren’t actually dialing someone else in the first place. Perhaps they were bored and purposefully called a “wrong number” to challenge themselves to start up a conversation. And yes, maybe it’s all real.
Does anyone out there happen to know any couple who have met like this? What’s their story? What go the conversation started? If you have anything to share about that, by all means add a comment. It would also be nice to hear what you think about how real these stories sound. One or two stories are easy enough to swallow, but is this something that could really be such a regular occurrence?
Do you ever get annoyed with those romantic tales of “How we met?” being broadcast all over the place? They come up during dinner table conversations, they show up in the movie and they turn up as human interest stories in the paper and on the TV. Those stories can get pretty random and even farfetched. From one couple meeting on a plane to another couple meeting when one actually arrested the other—there isn’t a lot that hasn’t happened at one time or another.
Another posting on this blog is all about one of the most random of such stories. It’s where a couple meets when one accidentally dialed the other’s phone number. They end up chatting and then they end up meeting and then they end up getting married. These things should strike us all as romantically wonderful, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. At least, not for me.
For me there are dry spells. There are times when I’m always meeting singles and making connections, but the majority of my single life is spent in the dry areas. Those are the times when nothing seems to click. Sure, there’s a singles’ baking class here, a singles’ party there, and perhaps a little time invested in a dating site or two, yet no sparks fly and no connections are made. It’s during those times, when nothing seems to be working out, that I just want to give up.
Those are the times, the times when nothing in my dating world works out, that I actually despise hearing about other people’s luck. Hearing about other people who met at a bar or through friends and then dated, well that’s one thing. That’s normal. But to be going through a time in which all my great efforts result in still being alone, and then to hear about people who just magically fell into each others arms… that’s teeth grindingly frustrating.
It’s hard to keep up the motivation to get out there and meet people, to follow through with dates that friends set up, or to put my heart on the line when reading about the people who seem to fall into it so easily. Not that it isn’t great for them. Not that they may not deserve it. Not that they hadn’t likely had a hard time out on the dating scene at one point either. It’s just that by knowing other people fell into it so easily, failed efforts of my own become all the harder to take.
That’s not the only factor that kills the motivation for me of course, but it’s one that’s seemed to come up a lot lately. Do your eyes also roll when you hear those stories? Or is there something else that’s knocks you down a peg? Share your thoughts just by adding a comment below. Also, feel free to go back and comment on any other posting as well.
Monday night used to be games night. That was anything from Monopoly to poker, and usually took place in someone’s apartment with the usual crowd plus any random invites. Wednesdays was karaoke at some downtown bar, and again the same crowd would show with some people brining along a new friend or two. Fridays were always random but far too often involved a birthday celebration somewhere. Not surprisingly, the same crowd kept showing up. As for Sundays, well, that was an anything goes day but the invite list didn’t change.
That was then, and then went on for quite a while. As for now, things are a lot different. Not only has every night become a whatever goes night, but the invite list is virtually nonexistent. These days there are fewer people to drag along and who ends up coming along is different every time.
There isn’t much of a mystery as to why things have changed so much. The games weren’t lost, the bars didn’t burn down and the crowd didn’t move away. All that happened was a few lousy weddings. Joe married Barbara, Janice married Will, Joan married Jon, and Don married some girl none of us had ever heard of. (Names have been changed to protect the nuptualized.) Needless to say, married people don’t like going out for some reason. No, that’s not true. They just don’t seem to invite out the singles as often, possibly out of concern that the condition is contagious.
While I’m happy for them (so that they don’t have to be happy on their own?), it’s pretty much put a big hole in my dating life. I mean, in the good old days meeting singles would often happen on those group nights. Sure, when we’d go out to the bars we’d often meet people, something that seems easier when you’re traveling with a large crowd, but a lot of connections were the result of friends bringing out their friends. Or running into their friends.
Dating was so easy back then because all I’d have to do was flirt with the new people a while. If things went well I’d take them out for a drink alone. Somewhere in there our mutual friend would gossip about me to her, and her to me, and in the end all was well with the world.
Now that the married folk have moved on with their lives and the regular nights out have disappeared, we singles who’ve been left behind are pretty much lost, left to fend for ourselves. I don’t have to tell you how difficult that can be.
Do you have a lot of single friends? Or have most of them gone off on their married way? If it’s the latter, have things changed for you? Is meeting singles any harder than it used to be? Maybe it’s a coincidence. Maybe it’s all those other factors at play. Whatever your thoughts are on the matter, feel free to share them by adding a comment below. As for me, don`t worry; I was sick of games night anyway.
I have a friend who`s a bit on the large side. She`s a nice girl, very pleasant and funny and likable. She never dated a lot though, for whatever reason that was. Friends tried to step in once in a while by setting her up with guys they`d meet at work or through other friends or randomly on the street—frankly, I have no idea where those guys came from. The point is, all the guys she`d get hooked up with were also on the large side.
All the while we had this other friend. He was short and somewhat of a bookworm. Actually, he fit that bookwork stereotype so well that one look at him would tell you that he was likely going to bed at night with anyone from Dickens to Proust to whoever it writing all those god-awful vampire novels. Anyway, he`d get hooked up on dates from time to time as well. It should be no surprise that he`d get hooked up with short bookworms.
Now, it doesn`t matter that the big girl ended up marrying a big guy and that the short guy ended up marrying a short girl. The point is friends always seem to pick out what are essentially arbitrary traits and deciding that anyone else with that same trait will be a perfect match. They`re both freakishly skinny, they`re bound to fall in love. They`re both taller enough to dunk a ball on tiptoes, they`ll surely get married. As for me, I`d always get set up with dull people who couldn`t hold a conversation and didn`t know how to dress. I`ll assume for the sake of my already crumbling ego that I`m the exception.
Perhaps that was all a bit dehumanizing getting hooked up like that, having to witness the way your friends see you. At least it was based on something though. And at least it, in some of those cases, it would actually work out. These days though the criteria for hook-ups has tumbled a long way downhill.
The problem is that many of the friends in my social circle have gotten married—of course, use of the word problem is all relative. There are still times we get together and there are still times when they try to find matches for the few of us singles still straggling behind. Nowadays though, the so called matches don’t make any sense at all to the point that I started to think they were just drawing names out of a hat.
My new theory is that the reason for such lousy matchmaking is that married folk no long see us singles as tall, short, skinny or large. They don`t see us as bookworms, computer geeks, athletes or musicians. Instead, they see us as single. I actually imagine them meeting singles at the office or through other friends and thinking “Oh, I know someone else who is single, how can I get them together?” The result is the most peculiar matches imaginable, but of course the matchmakers never seem to realize it. “Why didn’t it work Honey?” they must say to each other, “they’re both single!”
I still haven’t decided whether or not that’s just a strange phenomenon or an insulting one. I also haven’t figured out if it’s unique to my circle, though I strongly suspect it isn’t. I’m betting a lot of you have been setup on dates a lot over the years, and now the curiosity is whether or not those setups have actually got worse. If worse, are you also starting to suspect your married friends think single is a personality trait? Please share your thoughts, just add a comment below.
I have a friend who`s a bit on the large side. She`s a nice girl, very pleasant and funny and likable. She never dated a lot though, for whatever reason that was. Friends tried to step in once in a while by setting her up with guys they`d meet at work or through other friends or randomly on the street-frankly, I have no idea where those guys came from. The point is, all the guys she`d get hooked up with were also on the large side.
All the while we had this other friend. He was short and somewhat of a bookworm. Actually, he fit that bookwork stereotype so well that one look at him would tell you that he was likely going to bed at night with anyone from Dickens to Proust to whoever it writing all those god-awful vampire novels. Anyway, he`d get hooked up on dates from time to time as well. It should be no surprise that he`d get hooked up with short bookworms.
Now, it doesn`t matter that the big girl ended up marrying a big guy and that the short guy ended up marrying a short girl. The point is friends always seem to pick out what are essentially arbitrary traits and deciding that anyone else with that same trait will be a perfect match. They`re both freakishly skinny, they`re bound to fall in love. They`re both taller enough to dunk a ball on tiptoes, they`ll surely get married. As for me, I`d always get set up with dull people who couldn`t hold a conversation and didn`t know how to dress. I`ll assume for the sake of my already crumbling ego that I`m the exception.
Perhaps that was all a bit dehumanizing getting hooked up like that, having to witness the way your friends see you. At least it was based on something though. And at least it, in some of those cases, it would actually work out. These days though the criteria for hook-ups has tumbled a long way downhill.
The problem is that many of the friends in my social circle have gotten married-of course, use of the word problem is all relative. There are still times we get together and there are still times when they try to find matches for the few of us singles still straggling behind. Nowadays though, the so called matches don’t make any sense at all to the point that I started to think they were just drawing names out of a hat.
My new theory is that the reason for such lousy matchmaking is that married folk no long see us singles as tall, short, skinny or large. They don`t see us as bookworms, computer geeks, athletes or musicians. Instead, they see us as single. I actually imagine them meeting singles at the office or through other friends and thinking “Oh, I know someone else who is single, how can I get them together?” The result is the most peculiar matches imaginable, but of course the matchmakers never seem to realize it. “Why didn’t it work Honey?” they must say to each other, “they’re both single!”
I still haven’t decided whether or not that’s just a strange phenomenon or an insulting one. I also haven’t figured out if it’s unique to my circle, though I strongly suspect it isn’t. I’m betting a lot of you have been setup on dates a lot over the years, and now the curiosity is whether or not those setups have actually got worse. If worse, are you also starting to suspect your married friends think single is a personality trait? Please share your thoughts, just add a comment below.
Expectation seems to play into the way we do a lot of things. You know, if we expect a day of blandness we may prepare ourselves differently than if we expect a day of excitement. When expecting to be in place with lots of potential for meeting singles, most of us probably get ourselves ready differently than if we were just going to work.
As for myself, when I go to work I wear jeans and a t-shirt, with no guarantee that either of them had seen a washing machine in the weeks prior. There’s also a good chance the jeans and t-shirt don’t match up with the day’s choice of footwear, or that the days choice of footwear matches up with the day’s choice of socks. Frankly, my whole attire usually suggests that “I’m out of bed and awake, what more do you want?” Actually, my current choice of t-shirt says just that in bright blue lettering.
When I go to a friend’s place for dinner to watch TV, or to discuss deep metaphysical and theological ideas while drinking beers and playing SIMs, my choice of outfit isn’t much different. In fact, the only real change is that I wouldn’t actually pay attention to whether or not my clothes actually look like they came out of the hamper.
On a date though, things are much different. On a date, whether it’s to a café, a restaurant, a movie or a walk in the park, my attire is fully washed and wrinkle free. The pants I choose are hole-free, are rarely jeans and are complimented by my shoes. My shirt, t or otherwise, always has a collar and never has any large block-lettered writing on it, no matter how funny I think it may be. After all, I want to make a good impression.
The times I’m actually dressed the best though are those in between times. The times when I go out to a place and think I might end up meeting someone, or at least get the chance to meet someone. The truth is, whenever I have the chance for meeting singles I spend more time getting ready than in almost any other situation.
Those moments can be anything. It really depends on the mood. There was a time when I’d have to get myself all prettied up before going to the mall. Now it’s usually just nights at clubs, singles events or parties.
Sometimes though, when the mood is right, I can’t help but get my hopes up for making some sort of a connection in the oddest of situations. There’s been more than one occasion, for instance, that I’ve spent a good deal of time getting ready so I’d look my best for the grocery store. Other times I’d have little errands to run such as picking up a book, and suddenly have a surge of inspiration that the bookstore is the perfect place to meet someone and flirt a little. I’d then spend a while in the shower, picking out clothes, fixing my air and so on and son on… just so I could buy a book.
In all honesty, I can’t think of a time when my efforts paid off in any substantial way. Still, I get that urge time and again, perhaps diluting myself into thinking the stars will align just right if only I’d wear the right thing when swinging by the gas station.
Now, for sure a lot of you are always looking your best and are always dressed in a head turning manner. For you this must all seem a little strange. As for those who only put that extra effort into their look for dates and times they hope they can get dates, well, when do you do it? Bookstore and grocery store trips are odd enough, but what’s the strangest outing you’ve ever purposefully dressed up for? Thoughts? Comments? Just add them below!
I was on vacation once a while back and went out with a tour group to explore some of the area’s best sites. It was just my luck that I would up spending a great deal of that day with one of the most attractive women I could have ever imagined. At one point of the tour we had to cross over a rope bridge. It was just flimsy enough to swing in a seasick inducing manner, and just secure enough not to send the group plummeting to the ground a few hundred feet below.
When halfway across the bridge, following closely behind the lovely lady, I managed to get over my perpetuating fear of falling—actually, my fear of splattering—long enough to remember something I’d learned about danger, adrenaline and attraction. Wise men say that when in moments heightened adrenaline, moments that come from anything from fear to roller coasters, we become ripe for falling in love—or at least lust.
The idea is that a lot of the chemical reactions that result from being attracted to somebody are the same as the chemical bubbling that goes on when our hearts start racing because the rope bridge we’re on is wobbling. If we happen to meet someone while the heart’s still pounding and the chemicals are still bubbling, we’ll likely associate those things with that person.
So as I walked the last half of the rope bridge I managed to get my mind off of falling to my death and put it on the woman in front of me. I spent each oh-so-careful step wondering how I could approach her once on the other side. I thought of a few smooth lines but followed through with none. It’s strange because the adrenaline was charging me should have made me brave as can be, but I still chickened out. All I managed to do was pass her a few smiles. I think she may have smiled back.
The thing is, whenever I’m in a situation like that I start wondering how I can take advantage of it. I do exciting things with a little risk, or the illusion of risk, and watch everyone around me get as heart poundingly high as me, and wonder if that little treat of human nature would work in my favour.
It never has.
While I can be out meeting singles at theme parks, on aeroplanes, or while white water rafting, I still only manage to make a connection while doing things like playing board games, walking the streets or sitting around at a low key party. If you have a better experience to share though, we’d love to hear it. Has there been a time you made a love connection during a moment of thrills or danger? And do you think things would have been different had the situation not been so intense? Share your thoughts and stories by leaving a comment below.
So summer is over. In theory. For some places it’s almost starting to look as though summer is only just starting. Who knew the sun was going to wait until September to come out? Either way, the summer is gone—unofficially, and will be officially behind us any day now. That means it’s fall and winter ahead. What’s that got to do with the singles scene? Well, maybe nothing. On the other hand it could have a lot to do with the scene and meeting singles.
The thing is, for a lot of us the fall and winter make for lousy times when it comes to dating. It seems like it’s a lot harder to meet people to go out with, or at least harder to get the people we meet to go out. I suppose that all depends on how you look at it, too.
The flip side of this is spring and summer. Once the winter weather is behind us and spring arrives, dating seems easier. It feels as though some of us get out more and meet more people and make more connections. Spring sort of puts the bounce back in our steps and by the time summer comes we’re just bouncing along on top of the world, and the singles come bouncing along for the ride.
Why is that? Is it that it really is easier to meet people that time of year? Or is it that we’re more willing? For me, my energy level seems to fall with the season, which is to say it falls come fall. Through the winter I’m a bit of a dud and have to be dragged out. Last year I can’t say that I met many people at all, single or otherwise, and the reason for that can be almost entirely attributed to me.
So the reason I’ve always dated less in fall and winter is just that. Even when I do make it out I’m a bit drier and far less motivated than usual. Then in the spring and summer I’m out all the time and ready and willing to talk to just about anyone.
Like every other year before this though, I’ve decided to make a change this time. It’s sort of like a new year’s resolution, only in September. Also like every other year I’ve sworn to make this year different and actually follow through with my promises to myself.
How am I going to achieve this? Well, firstly I’ve already started making plans to go out over the next few weeks. Yes, I’m planning ahead. That’s a rarity for me. None of this is dating of course, just socializing with friends on one night and going to a singles event another night. Basically, I figure the more I fill the calendar the less chance I’ll have of letting myself slow down. Hopefully come the thick of winter I’ll still be riding that wave and during my outings I’ll meet some nice singles here and there and hopefully find someone special.
Okay, so that’s the plan. That’s the goal. It’s failed before, but let’s not think of that just yet. For now I’m just trying to keep a positive spin on things. If you are one of the many whose dating lives tend to take a downward turn this time of year, you can surely relate. Maybe you even have some other advice to pass along. If you do, now’s the time! Just share your thoughts via the comments section below.
I’ve already discussed how some people tend to view the spring and summer as the highlight of the year in terms of meeting singles, but now I’m starting to wonder if that’s really true. Sure, for me I know I just don’t date as much during the shorter days of fall and winter but I attribute that almost entirely to my own psychological state. Now I’m wondering if that’s actually the case for just a few of us or if it’s really the case for most or all of us.
Let’s say some of us who know we don’t get out enough this time of year turn things around and try to explore the singles scene as we’ve been doing all summer. If we follow through with it, will there actually be singles out there to meet? The thing is, if this is a universal feeling then just a few of us committing to turn ourselves around won’t really accomplish much at all.
Now, everyone reading this knows that singles events themselves fill up yearlong, so if we can get ourselves out of the house those are always a good option. What we also want though is to get to clubs and bars and just meet people on our own. Then we want to actually get them out on dates, but even people you meet at the singles events may be hard to drag out on a wet fall night or cold winter’s eve.
What I fear is that too many people stop going out to the typical pickup spots this time of year because when they get home from work it’s already dark, and that makes them tired or cranky or just plain unmotivated. The fact that all the best TV shows are starting up again doesn’t really help matters much either—and to be honest, that’s how my fall and winter nights tend to be spent.
So this year I’ve promised myself to make a change and hopefully some of you have too. What we need now is some assurance it will matter. That’s why I’m wondering aloud how many of you actually continue to go out this time of year and where the heck do you go? The beach is out of the question, at least it will be soon. All those great lively patio spots are on their way to being a thing forgotten as well. As for the clubs, well, that’s fine if you’re into the college crowd.
Last time I asked those of you who are like me, the hibernating types, if they had any advice for making a change. This time I’m looking to the rest of you. When we make that change, where do we find you? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below. If not, maybe I’ll just go freeze on the patio until you all show up next spring.
If you want to start meeting singles the important thing is to be yourself. Right? Right. Just don’t dress like that. And don’t talk about that thing you always talk about. Oh, and try not to fidget the way you always do, talk about your political beliefs, stand in that awkward way you stand, or go to the types of places you enjoy going to.
Man, is meeting singles really that complex? At what point did “just be yourself” involve being someone completely different? I think that happened somewhere between 1940 and 1963, but I could be wrong.
It’s true that this happens though. There are always people giving advice on how to act, how to look and how to present yourself to succeed in the dating world. Those same people then say “But relax, and just be yourself.” Go figure. Sure, you can choose to ignore those people but then you turn around and get bombarded with books, videos, TV shows, and seminars that are all about changing yourself so as to be better at meeting people.
Now I’m going to be honest about two things. The first is that I truly think that all of that feels kind of wrong. The second is that I’ve tried a lot of it out and it seems to be working.
I’m not now and have never been all that good of a dresser and when it comes to casual conversation I tend to babble. One day a few years ago though I started to take some advice and make a few changes. When going out to places like bars, parties or singles events I’d put those changes into effect. I’d take off my jeans and wrinkled shirt and put on something that actually looked nice. I’d coax myself into calming down and think of some good ways to start engaging conversations instead of simply staring at people and saying “Hi” and then rambling on for an hour.
To my surprise, those little changes worked out great. Ever since I stopped just being myself I’ve found that I’ve had far less trouble meeting people. I’ve had far less trouble turning those introductions into dates. And have had far less trouble turning those dates into… well, you don’t need to know that.
The other thing I was surprised by was that I didn’t really stop being myself. I just became a more cleaned up version of me. For years I was one of those who believed there wasn’t a difference, but there is. At least that’s how I’ve come to see things, and so I no longer shy away from those little self help tips. In the end, a lot of it very well may just come down to confidence, but makin’ my hair nice certainly can’t be hurting my luck either.
Have you ever tried taking any of that self help advice, whether from a book or from friends, in hopes of having better luck with meeting singles? Or maybe you are diehard against the idea, believing being yourself means being yourself in the purest sense of the idea. Share your thoughts by leaving your comments below. Of course, if you fall into neither of those categories yet are having trouble in your singles life, maybe some self improvement tips wouldn’t be such a bad route.
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