According to the U.S. Census Bureau, $2.4 billion worth of jewelry was purchased during February of last year. In addition, millions were spent on chocolates, flowers, and cards. Even then, millions of women were left standing with an empty hand or a sigh of disappointment on Valentine’s Day.
This type of thing happens each year, and while most people feel that it is something that the man is doing wrong, there are actually ways that women are contributing to this situation. Year in and year out, women pin their hopes on Valentine’s Day, only to come away feeling short-changed.
There are 5 main types of scenarios to which women contribute that end up helping to create this cycle of broken hearts, including:
1. Fantasy Island. The man that she is with simply does not measure up to the man she has created in her head. Women often get mad at men for being who they are, instead of who the woman wants them to be.
2. Who’s the Boss. In today’s world, women use power and control tactics to make it to the top of their career, but those same attitudes often kill their romance. It creates an unfortunate dynamic that can make the man feel as if he is a servant or son.
3. Ignored the Psychic. Many women choose to ignore red flags in a relationship, such as a lack of shared values and views. They compromise like this because they are insecure and feel a desperate need to have a man in their life rather then be alone.
4. Love Campaign. Some women feel they are a prize, and invest a huge amount of time, money and effort desperately trying to convince the guy that she is Ms. Right. She does this despite knowing full well that he’s not that into her in the first place. Thus she is left spinning her wheels in a tireless but ill-fated campaign for his attention and love.
5. Different Dictionaries. Women often feel they are the perfect match for a man, while his definition of the perfect mate is completely different but she didn’t bother to ask rather she assumed. The bottom line is she ends up being on an emotional roller coaster because he isn’t into her, and she is not “the one.”
Keeping it Real
As women around the country analyze what happened after Valentine’s Day, some may see themselves in the above scenarios. By doing so, they can recognize that they contributed to what happened, and they can make it a goal to change the situation so by next year’s holiday they will be appreciated and celebrated not tolerated.
Until Next Time,
Nekisha-Michelle is a life coach and author and can be reached through www.liferedesignqueen.com.
Let’s face it, first dates can be trying! It’s almost like a job interview, both subjects putting their best face on for the other and hiding their scars. Sometimes it feels like you are just rehashing the same date over and over. Are you one of those people that has lots of first dates but not so many second dates? Did you feel your first date went well and then you don’t hear from the person again? Maybe you fell into one of the following traps.
Did you just show up and ask her what she wanted to do? Not a good start. Get a plan in order. If you showed up at your dentist and she asked you what you felt like doing, how would that strike you? It probably wouldn’t fill you with confidence. Be a man with a plan. Tell her, “We’re going_____.” My advice is a coffee shop or something simple, but for heaven’s sake, find a cool, funky one. Avoid chains like Starbucks or Panera. Even if it’s not the her preferred place, you’ll get points for having a plan!
Not Being a Leader
Genetics plays a big part in our interactions. Not your dad or grandfather’s genes, we’re talking 10,000 years ago genes. Back when we were hunters and the women were gatherers, our job was to protect and lead. It’s still the same way. Women want a bold man to lead them. “I want a MAN!” as you have probably heard women say. Not an overbearing man, but one who is confident. Open doors, ask leading questions and know where you’re going and what you’re doing.
A Date That Goes Too Long
Sometimes a date can be going so well that you don’t want it to end. This can also be a pitfall. Imagine going to a party where you’re having a blast. The music is great, the wine is flowing like, well, wine and everyone is talking and is interesting. You think about going but decide to stay longer. Then the alcohol runs out, the person whose iPod it was disconnects it and goes home and all the interesting people leave. There you are with a warm drink, no music and everyone is just milling around. Once you leave, you have a sour taste in your mouth when you think of the party. Same deal here. We usually recommend an hour for your first date. Get in, get out and leave them wanting more.
A Too Complex Date
“Okay first we’re going to grab a drink at McDrinker’s but we have to leave by 8:45 so we can make it in time for the 9:00 show at the Comedy Club. You wait in line while I go grab movie tickets for the midnight showing of The New Action Movie and I’ll meet you at the table. Try to get one near the back in case the show runs long and we need to duck out early.” While I applaud your leadership skills, over scheduling and over committing is never a good thing. It doesn’t give her time to settle in and enjoy herself without thinking of the next thing. Make it fun but relaxing and stress-free. She is there for you, in fact the whole first date is to get to know each other. If you are doing all this activity guess what….? By the end of the date you will know as little about her as at the start. Worse, dating is emotional and when our energy and attention unfocused, you are less likely to connect and get to know your date. AKA, it will be your one and only date with her.
Trying for a Second Date
Everyone wants a second date. Even before she shows up she is hoping there will be a second date in her future. But if you are trying to set up a second date before the first one is even over, it’s not going to look good. First off, you’ll come off as desperate. Like you are trying to lock her in before she realizes you aren’t worth one. Also, on the other side, what if she agrees and later you find out she’s a closet psycho. Leave the second date planning for a phone call a few days later. It is not an interview, and if you treat it as such you won’t meet anyone of quality. Dating should be and is supposed to be fun and not too serious an experience, especially on the first date. Show your lighter side, enjoy the company and only after the date decide if you will call her or not. Guess what, you just might have so much fun together that decision has already been made for you!
If you would like to learn more of what to do on the first date, second date and beyond, contact us!
Until Next Time,
Senior Daytime Dating Coach
Hunt has a knack to see a person for their potential and get them to realize those latent abilities is one of his greatest talents. He currently coaching for New York Dating Coach and writes on dating in various publications and has been featured in various media with his insights on dating such as Avangardists.com, Shine, Betty Confidential, and many others.
Being single is a lot like going cross-country on Route 66 in a red-hot convertible. It can be exciting, and adventures, and the scenery changes with every corner you go around. However, even with the abundance of endless road ahead some singles can’t grasp how to be happy and healthy in their single hood. They are stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire that they just can’t fix. Being single should never be an annoyance that slows you down, so I the chick gab chick am going to give you the four best ways to stay full speed ahead on the route you are on. It is easy to be a happy and healthy single if you just know how.
1. Keep Your Windshield Clean.
You can’t enjoy the view from your sports vehicle if your windshield is full of muck and it is no different with the view from your mind. In order to be a happy single you must think with a clear head and release all the negativity of past relationships in order to rally in your single hood. Someone at sometime may have hurt you but that is in the past and your future is in the now. Forget what ever plagues you and enjoy the adventure of the road ahead.
2. Pack Light.
Every single knows that in order to be happy and healthy you can’t let life hold you down and drag you along. You have to pack light and be ready to move on a moments notice. Being single is about exploration, new people, new adventures and if you are able to join the fun at a moments notice you will be happy and you will reap the full benefits that single hood has to offer.
3. Care For What Is Under The Hood.
You would never drive your car with out proper maintenance so it is essential you feel the same way about your body. You must take care of your precious cargo by maintaining a healthy eating habit and doing regular check ups on the goods you have. A healthy life style and fit body says a lot about you as a single. It says you care about yourself and take pride in yourself. If this is what you say about yourself then this is what others will say about you as well.
4. Enjoy The Ride You Are On
You are on the most scenic ride of your life even if you don’t realize it. Being single is amazing if you understand how to get the most out of your single hood. The best advice is to enjoy the ride you are on. Cherish being single by living every moment to the fullest and this means, go to single events, meetings, clubs and parties. When you are single, there is nothing better than being surrounded by other singles. With every new event you will meet new people and give yourself new opportunities for adventure in the future. You are on an amazing road, so drive it, live it and love being single because your road is fantastically fun!
Until Next Time,
Being single around the holidays can, well, suck. But it doesn’t have to for long, because you can focus on getting jazzed up about finally finding The One in 2011.
To boost your chances of attracting real love next year, there are really only 3 simple steps you need to take. If you start focusing on them now, by the time you ring in the New Year, you can be fast-forwarding yourself towards the love you deserve.
But, if you get all bah-hum-bug on me and stay stuck in a rut of old patterns. Well, I hate to say it, but 2011 will probably look a lot like 2010 did – without the love of your life gracing your days.
So, let’s leap into the New Year ready to manifest real, lasting love into your life.
Get started now with these 3 steps.
1. Extend Gratitude for your Love Lessons
Before you’ll be ready to really attract a new kind of love that is deeply fulfilling, you’ll have to take a serious look at what you created last year in the love department.
Sit down with a notebook and go through all of your love experiences in 2010 and identify the MAJOR LESSONS each experience invited you to learn.
Now, dig deep into your heart and express some gratitude to each of these people who offered these lessons- because if you had not learned these lessons you wouldn’t be ready to meet The One. Really. So find the part of your heart that can really and truly be thankful for each and every one of these not so perfect partners.
2. Clarify the Pattern
With your lessons front and center, you should be able to recognize the patterns you tend to play out in your love life.
Take some thoughtful time to get super clear about:
- The kind of partner you tend to attract (the good and not so good qualities)
- The kinds of unhappy interactions you tend to have with partners
- The ways in which your needs tend to remain unfulfilled
- The behaviors you engage in which keep this cycle going on
3. Set Your Action Plan
Awesome- now that you know what ISN’T working, commit to doing something new that will work!
Based on your insights about the old patterns, create some new dating rules for yourself so you can create a new pattern. And get a buddy to hold you accountable so that real love can be yours this year.
If fear held you back and you hardly met anyone last year, grab a single friend and commit to going to 2 singles events a month.
If you keep falling for emotionally unavailable partners, commit to walking out the door as soon as you see the old warning signs so you can stay available for a great partner.
If you tend to find fault with everyone you date, commit to giving everyone 3 chances- you never know what a little time might do for your bond.
You get the idea – bust out of your dating ruts, and soon lasting love can be your reward. Make 2011 the year you finally find The One – you deserve it.
Until Next Time,
Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
Dr. Jenn is a clinical psychologist, dating coach, and authentic attraction expert. Her passion is helping singles attract real love that lasts. After meeting her husband on the internet she also helps singles find the perfect partner online. How long will it be till you find The One? Take Dr. Jenn’s quizzes at: www.mysoulmatesolution.com and www.meetyourmateonline.com.
Join our adventurous singles...