1. Just Ask. Never be afraid to ask for the date. So many times women are willing and ready to go on that first date or even a second, but so many times men let the fear of rejection stand in their way. Be like a sales person and ask for the sale. Just ASK!!! You can’t win if you don’t play.
2. Dress For The Job You Want. This is so true, if you want endless dates present your self as a guy “who has endless dates.” This means having confidence in your ability as a datable bloke. You have to be in it to win. Unleash your full potential, have some stagger to your walk and some backbone. Women flock to confidence like they do to Coach purses. If you think you can have endless dates, you will have endless dates.
3. Be Like a Snowflake. No two are ever the same and that is what makes them so interesting. If you’re different than the last six guys she has gone out with you will get a second date just because of her curiosity alone. So how can one be different? Change up the rules of a first date. Take her some place you know is unusual or do something adventures. How about instead of talking about the formal “get to know you talk,” try finding one amazing thing about yourself and talk about that. Perhaps you have done a free fall from a mountain in Tibet. If so, you should talk about that. Or maybe you dream about walking on the Great Wall of China. Tell her about that. Women love mystery and excitement, so give it to her and she will be coming back for more.
4. Do Your Research. In order to understand how the female mind works, you must first do your research. Watch some chick flicks, read Cosmo, these are untapped resources that spell out A-Z what women look for, long for and crave in a man. Once you break the Devinci code, you will have the tools you need to have endless dates. Now I’m not telling you not to be yourself, but even a master plumber would use a state of an art wrench if he knew it would get the job done.
5. Unleash Your Listening Abilities. A sure-fire way to have endless dates is by practicing your ability to be a good listener. Honing this skill is essential in the dating world. Listen to your date and get to know her. Find common ground or activities that you can do together that will give you endless future dates with a girl that you like. Knowing a date is getting a date!
Until Next Time,
Happiness equals reality minus expectations -Tom Magliozzi
A Fine Balance
Christmas can be wonderful and it can also be stressful. After decades of celebrating this annual holiday I am still learning the fine art of balancing the pressures with the joy. Along the way I’ve discovered some strategies that help me stay grounded and receptive to all the love that is trying to happen at this special time of year.
Because Christmas is so rife with expectations and family history, it is easy to become enmeshed in the needs and desires of others. It can be challenging to hang onto one’s centre and sense of self, when expectations are many and everyone’s emotions are running high. Some people fall into old patterns of “people pleasing”, some may become aggressive, while others want to run for the hills. I believe emotional maturity involves balancing our autonomy with our desire for connection with others. Striking that balance is a life-long learning process.
I’d like to share some Christmas strategies to which I aspire each year. They are designed to help us foster connection with loved ones during the holiday season, while maintaining healthy boundaries. I invite you to experiment with the ones that resonate for you.
On Christmas invitations and activities:
* Consult your loved ones regarding shared plans and activities. Find out what is important to them.
* Take the feelings of others into consideration in your decision-making, without abandoning your own desires and needs. Look for the win-win.
* If you choose to adapt your preferences in response to others, commit to do so freely and without resentment.
* Give yourself permission to accept OR decline invitations. Remember: You always have a choice.
* Create a Christmas spending plan (in consultation with your partner) and stick to it. (This includes how much you spend on each other.)
* Determine what spending is appropriate to your budget and your values, without caving in to perceived expectations from others. Remember: Your value and worth as a person does not equate with your ability to buy expensive gifts. A gift from the heart has no set price tag.
On selecting gifts:
* Trust your choice of gifts. Don’t waste time second-guessing yourself or trying to mind-read what will “make” the other person happy.
* Take pleasure in your gift-giving. Let go of expecting the person receiving your gift to react or respond in a particular way.
On sharing the preparations with your partner/family:
* Make clear, clean requests for what you need.
* Don’t expect others to read your mind regarding the help you need – or resent it when they don’t.
* Give others the room to accept and decline your requests, without emotional punishment or blackmail.
On family meals and traditions:
* Share the workload. If hosting, let your guests know how they can contribute to the meal. If you are a guest, ask your host how you can contribute.
* Realize that Christmas traditions may differ and make space for the traditions/preferences of others.
* Be prepared to roll with unexpected changes. There’s bound to be some!
* Make room for differing opinions and viewpoints during mealtime discussions – enjoy the diversity of personalities and perspectives!
On feeling gratitude:
* Before Christmas Day, make a list of EVERYTHING in your life that you are thankful for. This can powerfully shift your focus from to-do lists to gratitude.
* Use the giving of gifts as an opportunity to feel and express your love and appreciation to those whom you love.
* LET IN the love (and hugs!) from others.
Pick one or more strategies that appeal to you and experiment with them over the Christmas season. You CAN choose how you want to be this Christmas – and what experience you will have. This might be the year to take your balancing of connection and boundaries to a new level.
Until Next Time,
Shirley Vollett, BSW PCC is a Life & Relationship Coach. She works with women and men in transition, who are frustrated in their quest to find a long-term relationship. Shirley helps them rekindle their hope, stop repeating past mistakes and create a game plan for attracting the love of their life.
In this day and age, with attitudes about dating and forming intimate relationships becoming more liberal by the day, it’s surprising that there is still such animosity towards couples with an age gap, especially considering the many benefits that older and younger people get from dating each other. While the older person often garners a companion who makes them feel young again and possibly even awakens them to the youth culture of the day (from which they have become out of touch), no one can deny that it is generally the younger person in the relationship who receives the lion’s share of the benefits. So if you are considering dating someone older, don’t let social taboos stand in your way of finding happiness with that special someone. Consider some of the many advantages to dating an older person.
1. Security. Most people, when they see an older and a younger person dating, think that the reason is purely financial. In some cases, this could be true. At the very least, it is probably part of the appeal for the younger person. All of us want a stable home and if the person we’re dating can provide that, it is definitely a point in their favor. Of course, most people don’t base their entire relationship on the monetary status of their partner, but it is a factor in almost every partnership (whether there is an age gap or not). In a society that values money so highly, it can hardly be avoided.
2. Experience. Many young people are unsure of how to proceed in a relationship (or in life). In this respect, dating an older person (a mentor in the ways of love, if you will), could provide for an excellent education. This person has been in the trenches, probably fallen in love once or twice before, maybe even been married or had kids. They are not going to rush into anything foolishly the way two young people would (only to end up broken-hearted a few years down the road). In this respect, dating an older person could feel safer than dating someone your own age.
3. Knowledge. Do you know how to plan travel, pay taxes, or secure a home loan? There are probably many basic life skills that you have yet to learn. Having an older person (who has done these things before) on hand to advise you can help your life to run a lot more smoothly.
4. Less pressure. The way your family and friends treat any prospective partner you bring home depends not so much on the age of that person, but on the dispositions and prejudices of everyone involved. So in that way, the pressure not to date could be greater or less than any other person you get involved with. But you will likely be under a lot less pressure when it comes to both marriage and starting a family, which could allow you a lot more latitude to see where things go.
5. Adult love. People who have lived through the loss of love, or at least been in committed adult relationships before, are less likely to appreciate the game-playing and shenanigans that go along with immature relationships. So if you are tired of dealing with this sort of inanity from people your own age and you want to get on with something deeper and more adult, you can probably get a bit more serious with someone who’s older than you.
Until Next Time,
Leon Harris is a writer for Pick Up Artist where you can find great tips and advice on dating.
Join our adventurous singles...