Far too often women end up in relationships with the wrong guy. Who’s the wrong guy? He’s the one that makes you look back on life years later and wonder what you were thinking. Or, he’s the one that’s still hovering around you and makes you wish you could just shoo him away. If you’re with a guy, or meet a guy, who shows these signs, you’re probably dealing with a loser, so move on.
He’s over 30 and lives with his parents because he has too.
For starters, let’s just clarify this: some guys live with their parents for very legit reasons. Grad students trying to finish without debt, just went through hard times and needed to regroup, or are in any other kind of transition. And so on. Anyway, it’s the guy who lives with his parents because he can’t hold a job, or can’t be bothered to take care of himself, who you want to watch out for.
He talks about his car like it’s a person.
Loving your car as a car is one thing, but when it has a name, a birthday and a wardrobe (today, we’ll use these seat covers…) you have a problem. You can understand or at least look past the oddity of the guy who babies his car, but when he loves it to the point that he takes better care of it than himself, won’t let you behind the wheel, cries if you slam the door, and so on, you’re dealing with a loser.
You’re always paying.
If you’re always paying, and there’s no real good reason for it, you’re dating a loser. Now, I’m trying to be understanding here, but still can’t think of a “good reason for it.” If you can, well, by all means share it with us.
He talks to you, too much, like one of the guys.
This is the case where he’s pointing out pretty women as they pass, makes dirty jokes and tries to take you to do guy stuff. A lot of the time he does this either because he has no friends of his own, or he simply can’t distinguish you from the ones that he’s got.
Surely you’ve dated a loser before. Who hasn’t? Add a comment below and tell us what it was like, what made you clue in, and what you did about it. Share your thoughts, and help start a conversation.
Until Next Time,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
You’ve been on bad dates before, who hasn’t? These are the dates that you wish would be over from the moment they start. These are the ones when you go to the bathroom and never come back. These are the ones where you hide your eyes to pretend you aren’t really there.
1. His Life Sucks
You know his life sucks because he keeps telling you it sucks. He had an awful day at work, his friends don’t hang out with him anymore, and he wishes he had a better place to live. Chances are, he’ll even throw in to the mix the fact that his dating life is no better, and that he barely ever gets out with anyone.
2. He Asks For Separate Checks
The worst of the worst is when this happens at the start of the date. The waiter comes, asks what you want, you say wine, he says beer, and adds in this special request. Then he turns back to you as if nothing even happened. Hey, I’m the first to support splitting the bill on a first date, should that feel like the right thing to do, but have some tact, right?
3. Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex
And that’s about all he knows to talk about. He talks about it as though he’s at the bar with his friends. He talks about it because he figures it’s all you want to talk about. He talks about it because he figures that getting to the bedroom is the only reason the two of you met up in the first place. No manners are needed here, by the way, just get up and leave.
4. Yes and No
When those are the only words that come out of his mouth throughout all conversation, you have an issue. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s just shy. Let’s give him some cues to open up. If after a drink or two he still can’t say anything that isn’t an answer to such a direct question, there’s no salvaging the night.
5. You Learn More About His Ex Than About Him
You’ve dated this guy, for sure. He talks about the girl he broke up with, or the one he’s been longing for. He goes on as if it’s no big deal, and as though you should be okay with it. This guy doesn’t want you, he’ll never want you. He just wants someone. What a night.
If you can bare to think of it for another moment, add a comment below and tell us about your bad date experiences. Where’d you meet him and how long did the date last? Perhaps things turned around and it actually worked out, for a while anyway. Share your thoughts by adding a comment below.
Until Next Time,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Dating Expert
phil@meetmarketadventures.com
Honeymoon is over, Sex routine is the same, how to salvage the rut without breaking up.
What should you do when the honeymoon is over and you are not married? You are over the initial 3-5 week period of intense passion and obsession. Your reaction when you get a text message from him changes from” O yay its Peter! ” to ” O god, its Peter what does he want?” Do not get me wrong, being in a relationship is great. You do not ever have to go to parties alone and it gets your mother to stop nagging. All of your friends are jealous, you get laid on a regular basis, and you have someone to talk to and tell your deepest most intimate thoughts. So what happens, when the honeymoon is over? When his lip smacking habits make you want to throw the remote control at him, when he doesn’t wash the sink after he shaves, or when he refuses to wash the dishes or take you to a nice dinner. So how do you shake up a stale relationship without ending it for good, because let’s face it, the honeymoon, the passion and the romantic dinners do not last forever.
Let me start off by saying that part of this is your fault. You have gotten too comfortable, you have let him see you in sweatpants and no makeup while eating pizza. So before you have the dreadful god awful annoying talk relationship therapists call “communicating with your partner” Look at yourself first, have you put on a few pounds? Have you been watching crappy reality television instead of reading the Economist or Chekhov to stay intelligent and intellectual? Go back to your single girl habits to remind him why he became obsessed with you in the first place. Once you not only remind yourself why you are hot, smart, and a great catch, you remind him that you are. Stop acting so comfortable, and when you do, then you can talk to him. Tell him that you want to shake things up in your relationship. Remind him that this does not mean adding your best friend to the bedroom, unless that is something that interests you. Say specifically that you do not want to be one of those boring couples who stare at their blackberry’s during dinner or go to the movies and then go home.
Like any good relationship, it takes a lot of work, a lot of nurturing, and a lot of compromising. You could try a day where you do everything he loves, such as eat the kind of food he loves, go to the basketball game, or give him a back massage. Then the next day do everything you love, go get sushi, go look at artwork, cuddle by the fireplace over a bottle of wine with la Traviata playing in the background. The way to spice up a stale relationship is to change the routine, and it may also mean taking some time apart. Haven’t seen your cousins in a while? It’s time to give them a call. Haven’t been to kickboxing in 3 weeks? It’s time to get back to the gym, those late night talks over wine and dark chocolate are not doing wonders for your figure. Being in a relationship with a man often makes you neglect your other relationships and you lose yourself into the “we syndrome”. This can lead to him forgetting why he fell in love with you in the first place. So make sure you are still you, and are doing your thing. This way he has to compete for your time, which will remind him that he isn’t the only one who finds you irresistible and fun to be around.
Until Next Time,
Janis Spindel
What began in 1993 as a former fashion executive adjusting cupid’s arrow for single friends, Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc. has now become a full-service matchmaking company in the business of “getting people married.” Janis’s success rate speaks for itself. Today, she has just under 900 marriages to her credit and a database of both men and women that runs well into the thousands. She specializes in pairing up upscale clientele who are highly successful, well-educated, sophisticated, attractive professionals, including public figures and celebrities. and yes, even people in the public eye need help finding “the one!”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s the first date. Ladies; you’ve got your cutest outfit on, gentz; you shaved and made an effort to not wear the paint spattered jeans, and now ready to meet for that drink at the fabulous outdoor terrace.
He looks good, she looks fine…you sit down, and after 30 minutes you realize the following:
1. You don’t like how they treat the waiter. This is a big red flag!!!! Seeing how someone treats people is huge! Does he/she get very upset over getting the wrong drink? Do they talk about it for 10 minutes? Ok, this is it….he/she is beyond critical, and if you think the drink is small imagine when he/she doesn’t like something you’ve done! Don’t wait to find out….
2. Ah the wandering eye. Men do it, women do it, for different reasons, yet it’s still RUDE!!!! If someone is really into getting to know you, they’ll be good listeners, there’s eye contact, smiling, and asking questions. Men are natural voyeurs, they are visual creatures, checking out what’s on the other menu, however…. make an effort, it’s about being polite. Ladies, you do it too…if only to check out the outfit another woman’s wearing…….do this with your girl buddies…..otherwise, it’s as rude as guys checking out another girls cleavage!
3. You hear him/her say “I’ve never felt like this before” ok, it’s only been 30 minutes, nice to hear yet….”feeling” in 30 minutes you have to realize it’s their hormones talking, not how they’ve connected with you intellectually or emotionally……so, be aware of this as time goes on, this can be the beginning of someone who’s a tad too needy.
4. You end up major making out at the end of the evening, and she says “this has never happened to me before” ok, seriously, this one doesn’t even need to EVER be said!!! If you’re being judged because you sensually were turned on, and enjoyed some good old fashioned “necking” then you don’t want to be with someone who judges based on “kissing and a little fondling”. ENJOY IT for what it is….yes, men still judge on this, sadly even in 2010…..I believe morally we’ve gone back almost 50 years, (please read “Sex and the Single Woman” article.
Part 2…. Stay tuned, until then take some time to read the other articles, do some inner work and allow yourself to live, learn, laugh and enjoy the moment!
Until Next Time
Terri Giosia
www.terrigiosia.com
Singles/Wellness Coach
My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single. He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating. He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.
Having your own business or being self-employed is very challenging, as well as rewarding. Add being single to the equation and it can be a very lonely place to be. I was single while I ran a women’s clothing boutique. Although I worked incredible hours and had a 7 day a week operation, I made a concerted effort to date and meet people which eventually led me to meeting my husband. This is how I recommend you fit in dating into your hectic work schedule:
1. Get Clear on What your Life Goals and Priorities Are
What are your goals and priorities in life?
- Work
- Family
- Finding a life partner and getting married
- Community service
- Athletic activities
- Personal/Social activities
Rank them from 1 to 6, 1 being the most important. What came up for you during this exercise?
Next, where do you see yourself in 5 years? Would you be happy being single at that time? It’s time to be honest with yourself.
Just like you have a business plan for you business, you need to develop a life plan for you life. When you focus on obtaining and having the important things in life, will happen for you.
2. Put your Personal Time on Your calendar and Stick to it!
When you decide to carve out some time for your personal life which may include the pursuit of meeting someone for a relationship, then make an appointment with yourself on your calendar. How many hours a week are you willing to commit to this endeavor?
You need to apply the same time management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time. Do you consider the event or activity for meeting people to date urgent, desirable or eventually need to do?
Go ahead, put this date in your calendar and commit to keeping this appointment with yourself!
3. Decide on What Trade Offs You Are Willing To Make
Life is about trade offs. What are you willing to sacrifice to have what you want? It may be for a short time or a long time depending on your success on meeting the right person for you.
Are you willing to work some less hours and make less money? Perhaps you would be willing to hire someone to do the work that is least desirable to you. I hired a bookkeeping even though I was very capable of doing the work myself. I ended up using a mailing service for my promotional materials when I did the labels for mailing myself at early on in my business. I thought it was more important to free up my time for what I enjoyed rather doing the detailed, repetitive tasks. I hired smart college students to do some of the busy work for me. Even if you bring in help seasonally, it may free you up for a vacation or a long weekend!
Consider hiring an assistant to help you with writing letters, making appointments and following up with phone calls to your clients. Now virtual assistants are becoming very popular with business owners.
4. Use Efficient Dating Techniques
There is a time cost and benefit to every singles event and dating service available to you. Once you have a handle how much time a week you want to put towards dating, and then you need to decide how much financial resources you want to devote to these endeavors.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a real clear picture of your values. Your values are what’s most important to you in life. For instance, kindness and compassion may be very important to you. Therefore, this is what you would want in a mate, as well. Once you have your valued constructed, then you have a guideposts for which you can evaluate your potential partner.
Next, it’s important to get clear on what you want in life. Do you want a children? If not, you need to be clear with your potential dates that you are not interested in children. You may not even want to date divorced people with kids. Then opposite may be true as well. If you want children and someone doesn’t then there is no point pursing a relationship with this person. This will save you much time and anguish!
Now you are ready to see who is out there and who will be best suited for you. If you are willing to spend the money, you may consider a reputable matchmaker or dating service. The internet can be a good way to meet people to date. You can search the net at all hours of the day or night. However, it may take a lot of searching and weeding out. It can be very frustrating when people do not return your emails. Try more than one site. Different sites will produce different results. See my resource page on my website www.heartmindconnection.com/resources for a list of dating internet sites you may want to consider.
Last, ask friends, family or perhaps business associates who know you well to introduce you to people to date. Tell them what you are looking for in a mate so they can be helpful to you. Don’t be shy to ask them to fix you up. One of my clients was very good about getting the word out that she was looking to meet someone to date. She eventually got a fixed up with someone she really likes.
5. Combine Fun and Recreation with Meeting People What is fun and relaxing for you? It is not healthy to work all the time and not have any play!
If you enjoy socializing, then the singles events may help you get out and be with people. Who knows, you may pick up a client if not a date! For the athletic types, sports activities such as biking groups or tennis parties may be a way to have fun and meet someone to date. If you are into working out to keep your shape and stamina, then the gym can be a place to meet those of the opposite sex who also share this desire to keep fit. Perhaps you will entertain taking a ski trip or a hiking trip with a singles group.
Taking vacations are critical to maintaining sanity for an entrepreneur. If you love traveling, you may consider joining a singles travel group to see various parts of the world. There are even singles cruises for those who enjoy traveling by sea. I know a woman who loved yoga and found a travel group that incorporated daily yoga into the trip. Imagine finding your soul mate while doing what you truly love!
As an entrepreneur, you have already experienced what happens when you have a vision of what you want and focus on that goal. You have built your thriving business with your drive and determination. You can also have a fulfilling relationship if you apply your same drive and determination to that area of your life. It may just take some rebalancing of your energy and focus. Nonetheless, the benefits of finding that rewarding romantic relationship can last a lifetime!
Until Next Time,
Amy Schoen
Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC is a certified professional life coach who specializes in helping singles to discover what they need and want in relationships and how to find their desired romantic partner. She also coaches unmarried individuals on keeping and enhancing their romantic relationship and whether this is “the one”. Her holistic approach to coaching enables her clients to find greater fulfillment in their lives overall. Moreover, Amy is an expert in internet dating strategies and how to write an effective internet profile. For down to earth tips and helpful hints on dating and relationships, you can subscribe to her popular ezine or her tele-classes at: www.heartmindconnection.com.
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