There are no limits to the types of people who go out to speed dating events. It’s like online dating in that way. Just about everybody can do it, and just about all types of people have. Like online dating though you’ll find that some events have better (for you) people than others. This is just common sense, and the way things work.
You’ll find that some speed date nights are worked around specific groups. For instance, there’ll be a college crowd, a particular religious background people from a certain area, or even people who do certain types of work (“speed dating for professionals”… whatever that means).
Unless you have very specific requirements in the people you date, your best to go to an event that’s more open to the general crowd. They’re almost always segregated by age groups, and women tend to be paired with men of a slightly older group. For most people that’s not a big deal, but you usually aren’t forced to be in an age group you aren’t comfortable with. If you want to be with older folk or younger people, just let the organizers know and they likely won’t have an issue with it.
Either way, those are the only things that limit the type of person you’ll meet on a speed dating outing. Does that mean you’ll meet nothing but people you’d like? Of course not! It’s like going to your favorite bar. Not everyone there is going to be worth your while, but there’ll be one or two people worth making your move on.
When you try out this type of singles event, you have to keep that in mind. It’s not the types of people who turn up that you aren’t interested in that matter. It’s the few that you are interested in that matter. When you devise who those people are, zone in on them and put forward you best first impression. Has anyone reading been surprised in the past by the type of people who turned out to the speed date night they went on?
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert
I’m going to assume that people reading these blogs aren’t looking for a fling, but are in fact hoping to find someone special and maybe even settle down one day. That means that this article won’t appeal to you literally, and you shouldn’t take it as first date instructions. What you should do is read it and try to understand why it works, because this technique has helped pickup artists win over women and men “out of their league,” and the concept that makes these things work can and should work for you.
So here is the method I’ve followed almost point for point on several dates in the past, and all of those dates turned out better than I’d willingly admit here:
Some dates sprung from online encounters and others started right in a club upon first meeting, but the opening of the first date always goes the same. When I greet the girl, I express a few positive sentiments about the day, the atmosphere or the surroundings, while using very distinctly positive words. “This is such an upbeat bar,” seems simple enough, but believe it or not, that “upbeat” becomes associated with me.
The next step involves leading the other person to say something—honest and true—that sets them up for wanting to be spontaneous, exciting or something of the sort. This is as simple as steering the conversation somewhere that allows for “Have you ever been out with someone dull, unwilling to be spontaneous?” and then “It’s good, because I can tell you’re not like that.” They agree, and at the same time program themselves to not be boring.
The next tip that I followed on all my first dates was to do something intriguing, and not being subtle about it at all. For me, this was a magic trick. “How’d you do that?” “Do that again?” “Show me another one!” Now, the girl is almost mine. All that happens next is to say no. “No, you entertain me.” “Why don’t you show me something cool.” When they come up with nothing, I excuse myself for a moment while they think of something.
That last bit throws everyone, especially when they are used to people stopping at nothing to impress them. It’s a power shift. So is this how you should play out your first dates? Of course not. The idea here is to underscore how important psychology is to the dating scene. These things illustrate the first impression, intrigue and impressing your date perfectly, and if you apply them a bit less aggressively, while staying true to yourself, you’ll be able to set the stage for an easy going, and successful, first date.
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert
Speed dating is different every time. Some events give you a minute to talk, others give you five. Then there is everything in between. Before figuring out what you’ll talk about on these speed dates, the key is to figure out how much time you’ll have. You should then prepare for the evening based on that, so you’ll be ready.
Introduce yourself – You may want to rehearse this part a bit. Not to the point where you come across as phony, but to the point that you know you can get the important points out quickly. You want to say your name, and a couple of good points that express the kind of person you are. This could be your job, but it could also be just general characteristics like good humored, social or outgoing.
Talk about what they talk about – People are interested in themselves and what they have to say. If the person you are talking to starts going on about their job, ask them questions about their job. Contribute to that conversation as best you can. If you aren’t interested in that topic, or feel you should move on, then do so casually and naturally. If they don’t let you get off that topic, then chances are, you aren’t all that worried about impressing them anyway.
Talk about current events – Try to avoid politics and religion, so long as these aren’t “deal breakers” for you, because those topics can easily taint what could have been a good thing. Still, know what’s going on in the world and ask for their opinions, thoughts and ideas. Really, talking about something in the news allows you to get to know each other a lot better than talking about your favorite movies.
What you did the other night – The key is to demonstrate the type of person you are, and gauge the same from them. So talk about things you’ve done recently, and be prepared to ask them what they’ve done, or failing that what they wished they’d done lately.
Don’t be afraid of planning ahead, it doesn’t make you fake. These aren’t regular social situations so there’s nothing wrong with making yourself an outline of things to discuss. If you’re the type of person who does this type of preplanning, what kinds of topics do you prepare for?
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert
Lucy was so happy. Finally after a rocky 3 month relationship, her boyfriend, Michael, had finally said those magic words, “I’m in love with you.”
Lucy had met Michael at a singles events and it was love at first sight. Things were great initially, but the relationship had its challenges. While Michael seemed to enjoy Lucy’s company when they were together, he never had much time to get together. Michael had so many demands on his time: his job, his workout routine, his ailing mother, and the renovation on his home.
Lucy tried to be understanding and supportive. She was sure Michael was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, but she found herself feeling lonely so much of the time. Michael just wasn’t there for her. They had great times when together, lots of fun, lots of passion, but when she was looking for comfort and support, she had to get it from her female friends. And then one romantic evening, Michael said the magic words, “I’m in love with you,” and Lucy melted. All of Michael’s being unavailable so much of the time seemed unimportant because he had stated openly that he loved her.
Should Lucy have fallen for the power of the “L” word? Should you? The word “Love” is probably the most emotionally loaded word in the English language. The reason being that the recipient of this sentiment will have her own private idea of what that word means. So let’s have a closer look.
The fact is, when your partner tells you he or she loves you, they are not actually stating what you want to hear: “I care about you and I want you to be happy. Rather, what they are saying is, “You make me happy. Being with you makes me happy.” While these latter sentiments are certainly flattering: you are perceived as being important and special, they may be coming from a place of self-focused narcissism.
The word Narcissism comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, the youth who fell in love with the reflection he saw of himself in a pool of water causing him to lose interest in everyone but himself. And thus narcissism or emotional self-preoccupation is about taking, not giving. A person who takes is certainly capable of giving back, but he or she may not have the intention of doing so, being more concerned about his or her own immediate gratification.
What is Real Love?… Love is when your partner cares about your well-being, is concerned how you feel, and is prepared to commit to your well-being and happiness in a win/win way. If your partner enjoys being with you, enjoys the wonderful sexual adventures you have together, and even tells you he or she loves you, know that this may not necessarily be Love. This may be Self-Pleasure talking.
Why do men and women fall prey to the promise of “Love?” Because “Love” holds the promise of living happily ever after, being safe, being protected, not being alone. Although having a partner will likely fill your life with a certain amount of fun and good times which hanging out with your friends won’t provide, realize that when being in a relationship is everything to you, you’re seeking outside yourself what you’re missing from within.
Meeting a new man or woman and falling in love is a high, but that powerful feeling of wholeness and fulfillment leaves after a time, being replaced by the realities of who you are actually with. Over time, the promises of great things to come is replaced by your partner’s real-time behavior and how much your partner is actually there for you.
Hearing the words, “I’m in love with you,” or “You make me happy” are wonderful words to hear. But unless you hear Part Two, “I want to make you as happy as you have made me,” your dream partner is speaking of his or her own pleasure, not what he or she wishes to contribute to your happiness.
So what can you do when hearing “I love you” thrills you even though you know your partner is not committing to your needs? First, look at his or her actions. Write down every time your partner has not followed through on a promise or has shown little interest in your feelings. It’s easy to dismiss the self-serving actions when focusing on the “promise of love,” but seeing it written down takes it to a new level of realness. Next, start considering what deeper needs your partner is fulfilling for you. Beyond the fun and the pleasure, you will likely find that you need your partner to validate your worth, to make you feel important, special, and worthy of being loved. While desiring love is a human instinct, an intense need to be loved often reflects a lack of belief in your own worth, with your needing to receive validation of your worth to remove your own self-doubts.
Building self-love is a process: It doesn’t happen over night. But it does begin with making the decision to recognize that you’re worthy of love, even if right now, deep down you don’t feel worthy. What do you do next?… Start choosing to be with people who like you and value you, exactly as you are, and begin to say no to people who are not for you. In time, as you focus your attention on validating your own worth, your self-love will grow.
When you discover through treating yourself kindly that you’re worthy of being loved, you won’t fall for empty promises. You will recognize the real thing. And best of all, you will attract the real thing for the partner you attract will reflect outwardly the self-love you feel inside.
Talk Soon,
Andrea J. Moses, author of Emotional Rescue, is a psychotherapist and life coach. Andrea provides in person and telephone psychotherapy sessions. Contact Andrea at www.torontopsychotherapy.net or andrea@torontopsychotherapy.net.
When you meet someone online, your first date can be extremely nerve racking. Usually it’s even more nerve racking than when you date someone you met at a bar or got setup with through friends. That’s because you have higher hopes, greater expectations, and the knowledge that it could all be an ugly illusion.
Stay low key – First dates that are lavish are just for those people you really want to impress, and have reason to really impress. When things start online, the first date is more of an interview. Go somewhere cozy and non intimidating. Not only will going to a five star restaurant followed by dancing at an upscale club be overkill, it will also likely frighten away the person you met online because it’s so over the top. Instead, try coffee shops, try dog walks, and try drinks on a patio. These things allow the date to be short, yet intimate. The second date, should it all go well, can be more lavish.
Offer to pay – The man typically pays for the date. Whether you think this is sexist or not, it’s just the way it seems to go. Still, whether you are the man or the woman, offering to pay for your share of the first date is important. Again, online dates are really just for getting to know if the other person is worth that next “real date.” It’s a feeler date, if you will. You should therefore be willing to pay, and un-offended should your offer be accepted.
Get to know them all over again – Whatever conversations you had online, have them again in person. This is a great first date tip, so long as you don’t make it look like you’ve forgotten everything. It just let’s you have those things that first attracted you to the person said to you again, but in person where they can really mean something. Also, if they happen to be full of it, this is a good way to cross check the facts!
First dates that start online can be fun, but they can also be frequent. Some people who frequent dating sites will go on two or three a week, and not even flinch. So take them for what they are, don’t put pressure on you or the other person, and you’ll find they can be a whole lot of fun. That said, how often do you find yourself going out on first dates like these?
Talk Soon,
Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert
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