Show Up For The Date – Don’t Be A Flake

May 31, 2010 No Comments »

Recently, a woman client of mine met this guy online on a Thursday. He came on all strong, and they set up a date to have drinks that same night. First, before I tell you what happened, let’s give this woman a hand for being spontaneous instead of being conniving and manipulative.

The thing about dating that sucks is that so much time is spent hunting each other down. You meet each other Friday, call on Sunday, get a call back on Wednesday, set up a date for the following week, and by the time the date happens you have no idea why you were attracted to this person in the first place.

So, this woman decided to be spontaneous and have a date that night . . . and it even was her birthday. So they made plans to have drinks at 9:15 p.m. at a local restaurant. The only problem was . . . she showed up and he did not. This behavior is what I call this man being a classless loser. Whether he was drunk and sitting in his house and forgot to go, or whether he was hiding in the bushes outside the restaurant because he wasn’t as attracted to her in person as he was on the internet, there really is no excuse for what he did. There really is no excuse.

If you set up a date, whether you’re attracted to the person when you meet them or not, you act like a functioning adult. You sit down and you have a nice conversation with another human being, because you never know if the woman (or man) sitting across from you that you’re not attracted to might have a friend for you. So the next time you’re not attracted to your internet date, you better realize that by being a pussy and not going through with it, it’s just going to hurt you in the long run.

This has happened to everyone who’s dated on the internet a few times. If you’re somebody that just recently did it to somebody, think about what it felt like when someone did it to you. To all the men and women who pull this kind of shit – grow up! And for people who have had this happen to them, don’t worry about it!! Why would you even want to date someone who is the type of person who would pull a stunt like this?

This man who didn’t show up showed his true colors immediately . . . that he is unreliable, flaky and socially retarded. Imagine bringing this guy home to your Mom and Dad, and he spends the whole night hitting on your sister.

Talk soon,

David
david@davidwygant.com
www.davidwygant.com

First Date Tips – The Elements of a First Date

May 31, 2010 No Comments »

First dates can be complicated and nerve racking, and you’ll read a whole lot of tips here and other places that attempt to smooth things out and make the experience easier and more successful. For now, what we want is to look at a few of the key elements that define a first date. Knowing them, and understanding them, can help a lot because, well, this is really what you should be preparing for.

The first element of a first date is the first impression. That’s a lot of firsts. You hear this dating tip a lot, you know, ensuring you make a good first impression. On the first date though, it’s a huge deal. This is the beginning, this is the groundwork that everything else is built on, or, if you fail, what everything else has to make up for.

Exposition is the second element. That’s most commonly used as a film term, but on a first date it’s very relevant. The idea is that you are both learning about the other for the first time, and so you have to move slowly. This is the part where you learn the basics about each other so that the bigger things make sense later on.

Hopefully all of this will aid this third element to work in your favor. This one is intrigue, something that you will both hopefully offer each other. Intrigue can come from a lot of places, but it’s essential in creating the desire to get closer, move forward and see each other again.

Of course, none of this would matter if there wasn’t some fun to go along with this as well. That’s an important element, but it’s one that most dating tips highlight without discussing the rest. Fun is great, but if those other things don’t get due attention, you’ll be on your way to a great friendship.

Feel free to break this elements down even further, or to add your own. Let’s explore the idea a little further, simply by adding some comments below.

Talk Soon,

Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert

Questions Not to Ask When Speed Dating

May 31, 2010 No Comments »

It’s good to go to speed dating events with an arsenal of questions ready to fire off at those you meet. Not all questions are good though, and some will really work against you. Questions at speed dating should be designed to reveal something about a person, their personality and what they are like as a whole. They should also be able to inspire a good answer, as opposed to yeses and nos.

Don’t ask hypothetical questions – These types of questions rarely do any good. “What would you bring with you to a desert island” or “What would you do if you won the lottery?” don’t reveal much relevant information because it’s hard to take them seriously. On a dating game show they are lots of fun, but in reality you get answers you can’t work with. While you think the questions are designed to reveal personality and priorities, the truth is they do no such thing.

Don’t ask about favorite anything’s – No one cares. Frankly, most people don’t really have favorite things, they have preferred things. Beyond that, a favorite movie or food reveals only what their favorite movie or food is. It doesn’t tell you if they are kind, if they have conversational skills or anything like that.

Don’t ask about speed dating – How long have they been going to speed dating events or what made them decide to come are two questions you should avoid. Most people won’t want to answer them, and so the response would be calculated at best. At worst, the question will offend them because so many people are self conscious about the speed dating, dating sites, and other such things.

Don’t ask what they’re looking for – What do they want in a relationship? That’s not important yet. The answer will be too long, it won’t really reveal much about whether you’d get along and lastly, it doesn’t give them an opportunity to get to know you as well. This is may come up organically, and that’s great. Otherwise, let it go until you’ve gone on a few real dates with them.

For anyone out there who’s tried speed dating before, you likely have asked some questions like this and learned the hard way that they don’t work. You may have discovered some others as well. Let us know what your experiences with bad questions has been like, or if you feel that these are bad questions in the first place.

Talk Soon,

Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert

Speed Dating Beats Online Dating In a Knockout

May 30, 2010 1 Comment »

You can meet singles in all sorts of different ways. There’re singles events, setups through friends, and just getting out into the world. Nonetheless, there are two methods for meeting singles that are about as popular as any right now, and seem to be the things that come to mind when the idea to find a date comes up in the first place.

The two things are speed dating and online dating sites. The question is, which is better. Well, presuming you read the title here, you’ll know where my opinion stands. Online dating is great for a whole lot of reasons, but it doesn’t do enough to make it warrant being better than speed dating. The latter is just far too good for far too many reasons.

Sure, it’s not perfect. Sometimes you go to a speed dating event and wind up meeting a whole bunch of people you’d never have interest in. Still, most times you try an event like this, you get introduced to quite a few people that will make you thank your lucky stars you showed up that night.

Why does it win out over online dating? Because it accomplishes the things online dating can’t do. The beauty of these bar-scene alternatives is that they open the door for a better dating experience. Like the bar-scene though, online dating still limits you to people who find you somewhat attractive physically, a first impression barrier that leaves a lot of people feeling uneasy. Those who are gorgeous have issues here as well, because the internet feeds them shallow people just as much as the bars do, and it also leads to intimidation amongst those who feel unworthy, no matter how wrong they are.

When you go to speed dating events though, everyone becomes equal. Sure, first impressions will still be built on looks, they always are, but in this situation you are pretty much obliged to give everyone a chance, and everyone is obliged to do the same to you. That means they are left with the opportunity to actually know you before judging you, and won’t be so quick to brush you off or “blindly” accept you.

I’m sure most of you have tried at least one of these dating tools, so speak up. Let us know what you think. Is online dating better in your opinion, despite those drawbacks, or does speed dating win out in your minds as well? Let us know.

Talk Soon,

Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert

Conversation Tips for a First Date

May 30, 2010 1 Comment »

One of the hardest things about a first date is getting the conversation right. You need to be interesting, you need to be fun, and all of this has to come out in the things you say and the way you say them. That’s why a lot of first date tips you hear will centre around the idea of preparation. You should prepare everything from your look, the first impression you are going to make, and, you guessed it, the conversation you are going to have.

So where do you get the script? You don’t. This tip has nothing to do with scripting your conversation, or any part of your date for that matter. It’s just about being prepared. The fact is, there are types of conversations that are intriguing and interesting, and other types that are a flat turnoff. This kind of thing is normally easy to navigate, but first dates are tricky, loaded with nervousness, and the fact that you don’t know the other person well makes it hard to know what to talk about.

The solution is to plan for things to talk about ahead of time. It’s also to plan for things to avoid. A good tip, for instance, is to avoid any risky topics or hot button issues. You want to find things that keep you on the same side, not arguing against each other. That said, you don’t want to resort to the weather.

First date conversation that works well has to do with open ended topics, and topics that inspire fun stories. “What did you do last week?” is fine and well, but most people get stumped by that all too easily; however, describing what you did and then tossing it back in their direction works great. “Last weekend I went camping with friends…” Throw out a quick anecdote and then ask if they’d ever been camping.

A great tip for first dates is to read the newspaper before the date and that way current events are fresh in your mind. Talking to friends on the phone about recent fun times can help as well, and it also lets you catch up with friends! If these types of dating tips have worked for you in the past, let us know. Better yet, suggest some of your own through the comments section.

Talk Soon,

Phil
Meet Market Adventures Relationship Expert