Has a Heart Racing Situation Ever Worked in Your Favour?

Sep 23, 2009 2 Comments »

I was on vacation once a while back and went out with a tour group to explore some of the area’s best sites. It was just my luck that I would up spending a great deal of that day with one of the most attractive women I could have ever imagined. At one point of the tour we had to cross over a rope bridge. It was just flimsy enough to swing in a seasick inducing manner, and just secure enough not to send the group plummeting to the ground a few hundred feet below.

When halfway across the bridge, following closely behind the lovely lady, I managed to get over my perpetuating fear of falling—actually, my fear of splattering—long enough to remember something I’d learned about danger, adrenaline and attraction. Wise men say that when in moments heightened adrenaline, moments that come from anything from fear to roller coasters, we become ripe for falling in love—or at least lust.

The idea is that a lot of the chemical reactions that result from being attracted to somebody are the same as the chemical bubbling that goes on when our hearts start racing because the rope bridge we’re on is wobbling. If we happen to meet someone while the heart’s still pounding and the chemicals are still bubbling, we’ll likely associate those things with that person.

So as I walked the last half of the rope bridge I managed to get my mind off of falling to my death and put it on the woman in front of me. I spent each oh-so-careful step wondering how I could approach her once on the other side. I thought of a few smooth lines but followed through with none. It’s strange because the adrenaline was charging me should have made me brave as can be, but I still chickened out. All I managed to do was pass her a few smiles. I think she may have smiled back.

The thing is, whenever I’m in a situation like that I start wondering how I can take advantage of it. I do exciting things with a little risk, or the illusion of risk, and watch everyone around me get as heart poundingly high as me, and wonder if that little treat of human nature would work in my favour.

It never has.

While I can be out meeting singles at theme parks, on aeroplanes, or while white water rafting, I still only manage to make a connection while doing things like playing board games, walking the streets or sitting around at a low key party. If you have a better experience to share though, we’d love to hear it. Has there been a time you made a love connection during a moment of thrills or danger? And do you think things would have been different had the situation not been so intense? Share your thoughts and stories by leaving a comment below.

Promising to Keep My Singles Life Alive This Season

Sep 22, 2009 No Comments »

So summer is over. In theory. For some places it’s almost starting to look as though summer is only just starting. Who knew the sun was going to wait until September to come out? Either way, the summer is gone—unofficially, and will be officially behind us any day now. That means it’s fall and winter ahead. What’s that got to do with the singles scene? Well, maybe nothing. On the other hand it could have a lot to do with the scene and meeting singles.

The thing is, for a lot of us the fall and winter make for lousy times when it comes to dating. It seems like it’s a lot harder to meet people to go out with, or at least harder to get the people we meet to go out. I suppose that all depends on how you look at it, too.

The flip side of this is spring and summer. Once the winter weather is behind us and spring arrives, dating seems easier. It feels as though some of us get out more and meet more people and make more connections. Spring sort of puts the bounce back in our steps and by the time summer comes we’re just bouncing along on top of the world, and the singles come bouncing along for the ride.

Why is that? Is it that it really is easier to meet people that time of year? Or is it that we’re more willing? For me, my energy level seems to fall with the season, which is to say it falls come fall. Through the winter I’m a bit of a dud and have to be dragged out. Last year I can’t say that I met many people at all, single or otherwise, and the reason for that can be almost entirely attributed to me.

So the reason I’ve always dated less in fall and winter is just that. Even when I do make it out I’m a bit drier and far less motivated than usual. Then in the spring and summer I’m out all the time and ready and willing to talk to just about anyone.

Like every other year before this though, I’ve decided to make a change this time. It’s sort of like a new year’s resolution, only in September. Also like every other year I’ve sworn to make this year different and actually follow through with my promises to myself.

How am I going to achieve this? Well, firstly I’ve already started making plans to go out over the next few weeks. Yes, I’m planning ahead. That’s a rarity for me. None of this is dating of course, just socializing with friends on one night and going to a singles event another night. Basically, I figure the more I fill the calendar the less chance I’ll have of letting myself slow down. Hopefully come the thick of winter I’ll still be riding that wave and during my outings I’ll meet some nice singles here and there and hopefully find someone special.

Okay, so that’s the plan. That’s the goal. It’s failed before, but let’s not think of that just yet. For now I’m just trying to keep a positive spin on things. If you are one of the many whose dating lives tend to take a downward turn this time of year, you can surely relate. Maybe you even have some other advice to pass along. If you do, now’s the time! Just share your thoughts via the comments section below.

Does Season Really Matter for Meeting Singles?

Sep 18, 2009 2 Comments »

I’ve already discussed how some people tend to view the spring and summer as the highlight of the year in terms of meeting singles, but now I’m starting to wonder if that’s really true. Sure, for me I know I just don’t date as much during the shorter days of fall and winter but I attribute that almost entirely to my own psychological state. Now I’m wondering if that’s actually the case for just a few of us or if it’s really the case for most or all of us.

Let’s say some of us who know we don’t get out enough this time of year turn things around and try to explore the singles scene as we’ve been doing all summer. If we follow through with it, will there actually be singles out there to meet? The thing is, if this is a universal feeling then just a few of us committing to turn ourselves around won’t really accomplish much at all.

Now, everyone reading this knows that singles events themselves fill up yearlong, so if we can get ourselves out of the house those are always a good option. What we also want though is to get to clubs and bars and just meet people on our own. Then we want to actually get them out on dates, but even people you meet at the singles events may be hard to drag out on a wet fall night or cold winter’s eve.

What I fear is that too many people stop going out to the typical pickup spots this time of year because when they get home from work it’s already dark, and that makes them tired or cranky or just plain unmotivated. The fact that all the best TV shows are starting up again doesn’t really help matters much either—and to be honest, that’s how my fall and winter nights tend to be spent.

So this year I’ve promised myself to make a change and hopefully some of you have too. What we need now is some assurance it will matter. That’s why I’m wondering aloud how many of you actually continue to go out this time of year and where the heck do you go? The beach is out of the question, at least it will be soon. All those great lively patio spots are on their way to being a thing forgotten as well. As for the clubs, well, that’s fine if you’re into the college crowd.

Last time I asked those of you who are like me, the hibernating types, if they had any advice for making a change. This time I’m looking to the rest of you. When we make that change, where do we find you? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below. If not, maybe I’ll just go freeze on the patio until you all show up next spring.

Be Yourself But Do it That Way

Sep 16, 2009 1 Comment »

If you want to start meeting singles the important thing is to be yourself. Right? Right. Just don’t dress like that. And don’t talk about that thing you always talk about. Oh, and try not to fidget the way you always do, talk about your political beliefs, stand in that awkward way you stand, or go to the types of places you enjoy going to.

Man, is meeting singles really that complex? At what point did “just be yourself” involve being someone completely different? I think that happened somewhere between 1940 and 1963, but I could be wrong.

It’s true that this happens though. There are always people giving advice on how to act, how to look and how to present yourself to succeed in the dating world. Those same people then say “But relax, and just be yourself.” Go figure. Sure, you can choose to ignore those people but then you turn around and get bombarded with books, videos, TV shows, and seminars that are all about changing yourself so as to be better at meeting people.

Now I’m going to be honest about two things. The first is that I truly think that all of that feels kind of wrong. The second is that I’ve tried a lot of it out and it seems to be working.

I’m not now and have never been all that good of a dresser and when it comes to casual conversation I tend to babble. One day a few years ago though I started to take some advice and make a few changes. When going out to places like bars, parties or singles events I’d put those changes into effect. I’d take off my jeans and wrinkled shirt and put on something that actually looked nice. I’d coax myself into calming down and think of some good ways to start engaging conversations instead of simply staring at people and saying “Hi” and then rambling on for an hour.

To my surprise, those little changes worked out great. Ever since I stopped just being myself I’ve found that I’ve had far less trouble meeting people. I’ve had far less trouble turning those introductions into dates. And have had far less trouble turning those dates into… well, you don’t need to know that.

The other thing I was surprised by was that I didn’t really stop being myself. I just became a more cleaned up version of me. For years I was one of those who believed there wasn’t a difference, but there is. At least that’s how I’ve come to see things, and so I no longer shy away from those little self help tips. In the end, a lot of it very well may just come down to confidence, but makin’ my hair nice certainly can’t be hurting my luck either.

Have you ever tried taking any of that self help advice, whether from a book or from friends, in hopes of having better luck with meeting singles? Or maybe you are diehard against the idea, believing being yourself means being yourself in the purest sense of the idea. Share your thoughts by leaving your comments below. Of course, if you fall into neither of those categories yet are having trouble in your singles life, maybe some self improvement tips wouldn’t be such a bad route.

Do You Find More Disappointment When Meeting Singles Online?

Sep 15, 2009 No Comments »

A recent comment suggested that online dating sites, everyone’s favourite place for meeting singles, are full of liars and disappointments. And by suggested, I mean flat out stated. Now that’s a pretty harsh thing to say about something that exists within the utopia we call the World Wide Web, but is it true? Is it more likely that meeting singles online will result in more disappointments and introduce you to more lies?

It’s undoubtedly true that we all seem to encounter more of those types of stories from friends coming back from a date with a guy or gal they’d met on the net, but it’s also likely that those friends simply have more dates that originate on the net. Couldn’t it be that the frequency of the dating that the net allows is leading us to perceive the bad apples as being more plentiful?

Okay, so that’s probably wishful thinking. Why? Because, let’s be honest, the web gives us way more opportunities to lie. It gives us way more chances to exaggerate reality and build someone’s hopes. More than any of that, when you meet someone in person they have little reason to mislead you about anything, except when they are planning to woo you from the start.

What’s the first disappointment that we all have when meeting someone off the net? And don’t lie. Did you say the person’s appearance? Good, one point for you. That’s where most people seem to get letdown because the fact is, no one wants to post photos that make them look bad and instead want to post photos that are as flattering as possible, and it doesn’t take photoshop or a ten year old picture to make someone look better than than normally do; all it takes is the right light, the right angle and, perhaps, the right crop.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met some people from the net who looked nothing like their photos—a lot of people who looked nothing like their photos—and in almost every case it was for the worse. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have found them attractive in any other circumstance, but that still doesn’t make up for the letdown. Incidentally, I’m not even going to pretend my photos aren’t probably just as misleading as all the rest, though I do try to emulate the angles and lighting of the photographs in real life as much as possible.

As for the other types of lies, there are many. Obviously there are the big ones like “I’m single” or “I’m a doctor,” but there are little ones too. These are things like “I work out,” “I like to dance,” “and “I’m always reading new books.” In real life meetings there’s little opportunity to tell such lies, or at least little chances of getting away with them. On the net though we want to look as good as possible and so we’re willing to say we work out when really we just have an unused gym membership, and we’re willing to say we like to dance when really we just like to watch people dance and maybe join in for a slow song.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m not guilty of some of those lies, but I’m not sure that anyone ever noticed or cared that I don’t actually like to dance. How about you? What kind of disappointments do you experience the most with online dating, and do you think you’re guilty of any of those little crimes yourself? Share your thoughts by simply adding a comment below.