How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Jun 24, 2009 1 Comment »

Do long distance relationships really never work? Well, never is a strong word. They obviously work sometimes and most people probably know of at least one good example in which a long distance relationship kept going. If you’ve just met somebody you like who lives far away though, this might be a pressing issue. After all, to many of us, it’s better to have someone far away then to simply stay single.

Perhaps the best thing to consider off the bat though is how far away are we talking about? Dating someone in Ottawa while you live in Montreal isn’t too big of a deal. Weekend trips wouldn’t be out of the question, long distance calls wouldn’t be too expensive, and they wouldn’t be so far away that saying “I desperately need to see you tonight” would always be in vain. Dating someone in Philadelphia while you live in Montreal is a bit of a different story. Take things over the ocean and it gets even stickier.

In any situation, making it work will take more effort than if they lived, let’s say next door. Here are some things to consider:

Lay out the ground rules from day one – this is important. Any relationship that turns long distance or starts long distance, even if it’s just a short term things, needs to have a spoken understanding. There’s no reason to be shy about bringing this up either because it’s certainly on the other person’s mind. The big deal here is defining what you are. Are you a couple that’s dating, are you in a committed relationship or are you two single people who’ll really really look forward to seeing each other now and then?

Do things as a couple – It’s a wonderful age we live in. Phone calls are cheaper than they used to be and the net brings everyone closer together. Even though you are far away you can still do things together now and then. If there are shows you both like to watch then watch at the same time while chatting. If there are games you like to play, play it online. Simulate being together as much as possible.

Get comfortable but not too comfortable – The great thing is you’ll be able to spend more time with your friends just like when you were really single. The bad thing is, ideally, the relationship won’t always be long distance and so you don’t want to fool yourself. Enjoy the separation for what it is but don’t forget that you aren’t aiming for a long term separation.

Don’t lie to yourself – Lying to the other person is an obvious no-no, but lying to yourself can be just as bad. If it isn’t working then don’t torture yourself. If you don’t think either of you will ever be able to pick up and live where the other one wants to then don’t drag it out. It’s just not worth it. For either of you.

Visit as much as you can – Need I say more?

Long distance dating can bring about a lot of good and a lot of bad. If you have any advice to share let us know through the comments section. Likewise, feel free to share any stories and experiences about this and any other topic as well.

How New Tools Change the Face of Dating

Jun 23, 2009 5 Comments »

Think about it for a minute. Technology keeps changing the way we date. Single women and men on the dating scene have more tools to work with now than ever before. These tools help out with dates and they help out with finding a date. Recent years have brought about a whole bunch of new things that singles can use.

This isn’t a recent phenomenon either. Just think of the things that happened over the last century. The popularization of the car is a big one. It let guys take their dates to all sorts of places, and often to places their parents weren’t aware of. Then there are movies. You could easily argue that movies, a relatively cheap form of entertainment, helped create the face of modern dating to begin with.

Take a look at some things that have been making their mark in the last decade or so:

The internet – This is without a doubt the biggest one. Its impact on singles’ dating lives has been huge and lasting. Countless long term relationships began from two people meeting through dating profiles. Just imagine how many millions of first dates never would have happened had the net not been around? Then again, that might not have been such a bad thing in some cases.

Voip – Voice over internet protocol. This is sort of the last word in long distance price drops. How has this changed dating? Well, anyone in a long distance relationship can tell you, so long as they’ve figured this trick out. For a relatively small sum of money each month two people can chat over a phone line as if it were a local call. That means long distance dating without ever having to think about the phone bill.

Random location finders – Ever try Urbanspoon’s iPhone app? There are other similar programs that work on the iPhone and other devices as well. Amongst other things, you can just push a button (or give the phone a shake) and it will pick a random restaurant in your area. Surely you’ve been indecisive or been out with someone who is. This is the cure. It hasn’t caught on as a dating tool yet, but it will. It makes being decisive and original easy.

Texting – I miss you! Phone calls take time and both people have to be free for them or it just won’t work. Quick text messages throughout the day though are simple and don’t get in anyone’s way. Does anyone date anymore without sending the occasional midday message?

Escape calls – Did the escape call exist before the cell phone? How could they have? These days though you’ll find that about twenty minutes in to a lot of first dates a phone will ring. Why? Well, someone’s friend is prepared to say “Help! I need you!” just in case the date is going poorly.

Good old technology. These are just a few of the things and a few of the ways that changing technology has brought about different tools for the dating scene. If you want to comment on any of them or suggest some others, feel free to do so through our comments section. You can also comment on any other posting on this blog.

Six Ways to Not Look Over Eager

Jun 22, 2009 3 Comments »

There are a lot of dating clichés that single people are faced with all of the time. Some of them don’t really add up to much in reality but some really do prove to be true time and again. One of the big clichés is not to appear over eager. It’s strange but when you’re dating, people want to know you want them but they don’t want you to show it too much.

“Play it cool” is the best advice a single guy or girl can get for this, but what are you supposed to do with that advice? Well, that’s another question. Take a look at these tips:

Don’t call too much – Call after a date but don’t call too soon after a date. Got it? Then make sure you call enough to show that you care, but not so much that you scare the person off. There, that should be clear. Ugh. Okay, so it’s hard. The problem is that there aren’t any numbers to go along with this and things have to be done on a case by case. Basically though, remember that at the beginning it’s dating, not a relationship. Call to make plans and check in, but not to give the play by play of your life’s ups and downs.

Don’t beg for the next date – Maybe the next date will come and maybe it won’t. If you keep belabouring the point though, it will never come. Period. The same is true for the first date for that matter. If they want to go out but can’t make plans right away, let them know that they can call you. If they don’t after a few days, try again. But don’t keep reaching out to them with a “When? When? When?”

Be willing to lose – If you want to win the dating game you have to be willing to lose. This means that stepping back and leaving things up to the other person is sometimes the best you can do. Maybe they’ll take their cue and maybe they won’t, but if you keep engaging from every which angle you won’t get what you want.

You’re not shipping off tomorrow – “I know you want to wait, but I don’t know when I’ll be back…” That line was probably in every 1950s war movie, and while it may have worked for the ruggedly handsome leading man when tried on the actress who was following the script, it doesn’t usually play so well in the real world. If your dating life is all about tonight only, then all the power to you, but if you are aiming for the long term there’s no reason to push anything. It will only scare them away.

Compliment, don’t drool – A little flattery can get you everywhere. A lot of flattery can make you look like a complete fool. Keep your flattering comments honest and selective. They are there to be nice and show you’re thoughtful, but not to build a whole dialogue around.

Is there anyone else in the room? – When first meeting that single man or woman of your dreams, before you’ve asked them out or vice versa, remember that they aren’t alone—unless they are, of course. Basically this means that if you’re talking to someone in a group, talk to the group. If you focus completely on the person you’re falling for two bad things can happen. The first is that they’ll feel you coming on to strong and the second is that the people he or she is with won’t like you, and you want them to like you.

Have you ever had someone you were seeing come on too strong? Did it get creepy, weird or just too much? Feel free to tell us what happened by adding a comment. You can also comment about something else in this or any other posting.

Fears That Keep People Single

Jun 20, 2009 2 Comments »

Some people fear being single forever and some people fear dating. It’s not that they don’t want to date; it’s that they are afraid of doing all of the things involved with getting out there. For some single women and men the fears are just common everyday fears that hold them back a little bit, but there are those who find these fears to be completely debilitating.

Take a look at the following list. They are the most common fears associated with dating today. Though each appears in varying degrees from one person to the next, they are the kind of fears that hold far too many people back. It’s good to be aware of them because maybe it’s what’s been holding back you or someone you know.

Fear of rejection – The fear of rejection is a huge one. Most people have experienced this at one point or another. Most typically it’s the fear that someone you ask out will turn you down, but it can go farther than that. Many people fear the rejection that might come in the long term and because of that there are those who see dating as setting themselves up for that later heartache.

Fear of change – For those who have grown accustomed to their single life change can be a big deal. The difference between being single and being in a relationship is huge. When the lifestyle of self dependence and freedom has been enjoyed for such a long time, many can’t deal with letting it go.

Fear of commitment – Some single men and women are only single a few nights a week! That is to say, they date a lot. For them the single life is all about keeping the options open but being lonely isn’t any concern. Still, these singles don’t always hold onto that lifestyle by choice. Often they hold onto it because there are a lot of fears associated with having to settle down.

Fear of vulnerability – Being in a good relationship means being open with someone else. It means letting someone else into your life and letting them see the good and the bad. Maybe it’s because past relationships have gone bad and led to heartbreak or maybe it’s because letting themselves be vulnerable left them open to personal attacks in the past, but the thought of that openness can be terrifying for some.

Fear of giving up the dream – Everyone had an ideal image of love at one point in their life. It may have been a material image or it may have been an emotional one, but it was probably there. Some singles have never let go of that ideal and keep holding out for it. The longer they hold onto it the harder it is to put it away. The result is a fear that settling down with one person, one who doesn’t match that old ideal, is actually giving up.

Does any of this sound like you or someone you know? Are there other fears you’ve come across that have led to people trapping themselves in the single life? Feel free to share your thoughts with everyone by adding a comment below.

Signs a Woman Doesn’t Like You

Jun 19, 2009 3 Comments »

It’s one thing to pick up on signs that a woman may be interested in you, but what if she’s not? This is something a lot of single men have trouble with. Either they see the negative signs when they aren’t really there, or they miss the negative signs and end up throwing themselves into a bad situation. The last thing anyone needs is to set themselves up for heartache.

Closed off body language – Body language isn’t easy for most people to pick up on but it’s still worth looking out for the more obvious signs. If you’re smitten though, it may completely escape you that the woman you are with is leaning back, stiff, and crossing her arms. This all screams out closed off, bored and not interested.

Look at the eyes – When you’re telling stories or jokes, look at her eyes. Oftentimes she’ll roll her eyes without even knowing she’s doing it. This is a probably sign that she’s really not into listening to what you’re saying. Again, note that she may not know she’s doing it so don’t take it as rude; it’s just human.

She doesn’t let you in – One of the best dating tips around is to keep the focus on your date and let them talk about themselves. Why? Because people like that topic. If, however, all of your prying questions get little or no response, there’s a good chance it’s because she’s purposefully keeping a distance.

She insists on paying for herself – None of these are guaranteed giveaways, and this one especially so. As stated in a previous article, a lot of women like to pay for themselves for the first few dates in order to keep things balanced. Still, it could also be a sign that she knows she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to put herself in a position where she feels she owes you something.

She talks about other women – When a single woman is interested in you, she won’t want you to be thinking about other girls. Because of this, a lot of women will avoid even mentioning another woman while on a date. So, talking about other women, therefore, is a clear sign that she’s not concerned about keeping you thinking about only her.

She talks about her husband – Enough said.

The comments feature on this blog is a great way to be heard and also to start interacting with other Meet Market members. So if you have any thoughts on this or any other topic feel free to share them.