Can You Believe a Person You Meet Online: Five Ways to Find Out

Jun 30, 2009 3 Comments »

More single men and women are turning to the internet than ever before. Despite all the great benefits it has to offer, there are a few downsides too. The big one has to do with that trust factor. How do you know the cute thirty year old blonde woman from Toronto really isn’t a bored seventy year old man in Vancouver? Here are some tips for things to implement early on:

Talk about real things – During the initial emails, don’t settle for nothing but cute remarks, jokes and answers to chitchat questions like “What did you do last night?” Try to actually learn something more tangible about the person right away. It’s important to get some factual information as soon as you can because this will help you gauge trust later on.

Reask questions – And here’s where that last thing can come in handy. After a couple of correspondences indirectly ask about things you already know the answer to. Then make sure the answers are consistent.

Multiple photos – Make sure you see more than one photograph. If all you get is one, it isn’t at all rude to ask for more. If they don’t give you more it isn’t at all rude to politely explain why you want more. Getting a photo where they’re with friends is helpful as well because their pose and overall demeanour will be more truthful in that one.

Get casual photos – If the photos look to be professionally taken that’s fine, people get professional shots done all the time. Still, once you’ve started chatting you’ll want to ask for something more casual, even if they feel shy about showing you a shot where they’re not at their best. If they can’t cough up a couple of snapshots that resemble the person in that beautifully framed and well lit headshot, then close the window and move on to the next.

Webcams – These are handy little gizmos and many computer users have them these days. They come built in to most laptops and everyone seems to have one of those lying around. If you can arrange a webcam chat early on, before any actual dating is committed to, it may help ease your mind about whether the other person’s been putting up a false front. It’s as close as you can get to that first real meeting without actually having that first real meeting.

The most important thing is to remember that you’re meeting the person online, but you’re not dating them online. Use some of these tools to help determine if they’re the real deal and to ease any initial doubts you may have, and then make a safe arrangement for meeting in person. That’s when the real getting to know each other will begin anyway.

Are there any tricks you use with online dating as a litmus test for honesty? Maybe you’ve had a bad experience in the past when meeting someone who just wasn’t at all what they made you believe. If you have any comments to do with those things or anything else, please click on the comments link and share your thoughts.

Online Dating: Tips for Writing the Introductory Email

Jun 28, 2009 24 Comments »

After perusing the internet dating sites for a while you’ll hopefully come across at least a few people you want to talk to. This isn’t necessarily easy. Dating sites have long been referred to as e-stores for singles, but unlike an e-store you can’t just order anything you’d like. That means that just because you click on someone’s profile and write to them, they aren’t at all obligated to write back, look at your profile, or even care.

That’s right. You’re not the most important person on earth to them. Suck it up. In order to gain that status you have to earn it, and in order to earn it you have to get their attention so they will give you the chance to earn it.

For women searching for men this is often easier because men, in almost every situation, get far less online solicitations than women do. So when a woman sends a guy a message she isn’t competing to be noticed amongst dozens of other messages; the guys with the most attractive profiles may only get an email or two a day. Still, that doesn’t mean that one email is going to capture the guy’s attention.

Whether you’re a single man or a single woman, the following tips should help you get a bit of an edge when sending out that introductory online dating email.

Original subject lines – Your subject line should be original and attention grabbing. If it’s “Hey” don’t expect much. Ideally the person you’re writing to actually has an informative profile in which case your subject line should respond to it directly. “I love movies too,” won’t get you very far, but it at least shows you’ve read the profile. If you actually recommended a movie you think they’d like in the subject, well that would be motivation to open up the message.

Make the intro about them – The first paragraph of the email should be about them, even if indirectly. Don’t just say “Hey, I loved your profile. I also like movies, music and people with a sense of humour.” Comment on what it was about them that caught your attention, respond to a question their profile may have put forward, or make a good humoured jab at something they’d written.

Don’t suck up – Compliments are good but sucking up is bad. You don’t need to go on and on about how pretty or handsome you think they are. If it’s true, they’re already hearing enough of that already.

Don’t brag – In very few cases would it be a good idea to talk about how much money you have, what kind of sports car you drive, or how cool your butler is. Aside from coming across as arrogant, it will also make people feel that they’d be superficial if they’d reply.

Write long, not too long – Too brief of an email won’t get you anywhere. “Hey, you’re cute. Read my profile and write back if you want to chat.” That shows that you’re interested, but not interested enough to actually put any effort into it. The email you write should be at least a couple of paragraphs long, but not so long that someone will feel overwhelmed as soon as they look at it.

Of course all the typical rules of communication apply here, so show off some of those manners. If you have some other tips or anything to say in response to these ones, post a comment. Also feel free to comment about any other post on this blog.

Online Dating: Email Conversations Tips

Jun 27, 2009 3 Comments »

Forget the art of conversation, single women and men today need to learn the art of emailing. With so many relationships getting their start on the internet this is practically an essential. Even when meeting people off the internet, it’s not uncommon for email addresses to be given out instead of phone numbers.

Few of us would keep any interest in someone who’s writing a series of dull or poorly written emails. The following tips will help keep you from being one of those people.

Spellcheck and proofread – A lot of dating profiles from women actually point this one out pretty clearly, and I’m sure men are pretty much in the same boat a lot of the time. Reading emails that are full of spelling errors or overdone colloquialisms is a turn off. Someone not knowing which witch is which, or what there they’re supposed to be using in their sentences isn’t much better.

Respond to what’s been said – An email conversation is still a conversation. It should start off with a greeting, of course, but then continue with the conversation that’s been going on. If they’ve said something in their last email, respond to it in your reply.

Say things that are open for a response – Asking questions is great but if that’s the only way you can engage someone in an email it will start to feel like an interview. Try to phrase things in a way that will encourage a response without actually asking a question, or hit upon topics that everyone’s sure to have their own take on.

Let them learn something knew – The emailing part of your relationship, at least the part that happens before you are heavily dating each other, shouldn’t last too long. So long as it’s going on though, each message you send should include some information of value about you. For instance, if you’re writing about grocery shopping—no, I don’t know why you’d do such a thing—add in something personal about it. You gave into your weakness for junk food again or went coupon crazy like you always do… anything.

Make your life sound as exciting as it is – If you’re emails focus solely on discussing your favourite things, as so often happens, or become centred around ideas instead of actions, you may end up painting a pretty dull picture of yourself, however intriguing you’re being. Be sure to highlight points with actions. If you must answer things like “What’s your favourite colour,” then once in a while you should throw in something like: “Orange. Last week when I was rollerblading in the park I saw the most magnificent orange sunset.” Something like that, but not so cheesy.

There, now you should be well on your way to being able to write perfect emails. Okay, so it’ll maybe be a small step forward for some of you, but it’s a start. If you’ve ever received a really lousy email in your dating life, please share your thoughts on it in our comments section.

Building a Useful Dating Application

Jun 26, 2009 3 Comments »

Good news! Dating is no longer difficult. All of the problems people once faced on the singles scene are now solved. Isn’t that great? Turns out the solution called for nothing more than a mobile dating application being loaded on your phone. In this case it’s the iPhone—what else?

The app in question right now is Perfect Date, one of several apps of its kind. And, no, it really won’t solve every dating problem you ever had, but it is kinda cool. It’s not that you should pick up your phone and buy it, and it’s not that it’s even all that great, but the concept behind it does a pretty good job at underlining how little these little technological toys can theoretically help out even in the dating world.

Now, as for Perfect Date, all it really does is provide a checklist for getting ready for a date. More specifically, it’s a checklist for getting ready for a first date. It lets you set up different profiles for the different girls or guys you’re going to be going out with and then you check off each item on the list as they come up. The items are a wee bit obvious like dressing right, planning right and whatnot, but again, it’s a cute little app.

Of course, for those of us out there who actually date a lot something a little bit more than a checklist can go a long, long way. Here’s what the best dating application would do:

Add names and photos – Anyone out there who’s into online dating very likely goes on more than one date in a blue moon, and every date that doesn’t work out adds to list of those who you may confuse the next date with. This is doubly important for those singles out there who travel and meet people on the go. The perfect dating app would store names and photos of all those you’ve got dates with in New York, Toronto, Chicago, or anywhere!

An actual profile – Does this sound shallow yet? The thing is, it’s not like it used to be where you’d be going on a date with someone you have some sort of history with, even if that’s simply meeting at a party. No, you’re often dating people from the net and you’ve probably read hundreds of profiles before setting up the date. The perfect app would let you record basic information like the person’s job, hobbies and other things to help keep confusion at bay.

Details, details – Well of course the perfect dating app should include a spot to enter information about a date. Where is the date? When is the date? Then if subsequent dates come it will let you look over that list so you know not to repeat yourself!

Suggestions – There are all kinds of things to do when dating. There are movies and there are bowling alleys and there are walks on the beach—or is that last one just an undone cliché? Either way, the perfect dating app would have categories like eating, playing, watching and whatnot and then let us enter which of the things we’ve done and where and when we did them. That way you can keep things fresh on the first, second and third date. Artificial feeling, sure. But Fresh nonetheless.

Okay, so tell the truth. Would you use a dating application like this? So many other aspects of your life get databased one way or another, so why not this? Leave a comment so everyone knows your thoughts, and if you love the idea, for whatever reason, then by all means suggest other things that your perfect dating app would have.

Making Conversation that Actually Helps You Know a Person

Jun 25, 2009 No Comments »

While making conversation isn’t necessarily hard for a lot of people, many have trouble with coming up with relevant conversation. That’s the kind where you actually leave thinking that you know the person better instead of spending a couple of hours conversing about the plot of whatever TV shows you’ve watched.

Don’t say tell me about yourself – This is something that pops out when singles are dating all the time, but also when just about anyone is meeting anyone else. It’s just about as vague as a personal question can be. It shows that you’re interested, but not so much that you’ve thought of anything interested to discuss. Worse, no one ever answers this question well. The best you’ll get is a standard reply that won’t help you at all.

Ask about the answers – Dig deeper. Just about everyone will say they like a good sense of humour, but what good does knowing that do? Ask them to tell you a joke! Ask them the funniest thing they’ve seen lately. It’s like talking about movies. Anyone can tell you the last movie they saw and why they liked it, but you should be asking more about that. Don’t know the plot? Have them tell you. Do they like other movies in that genre? Why? Do they watch them often? Do they prefer watching on TV or the big screen? Do they order the large popcorn and, if so, do they go back for the free refill?

Be a reporter – Who? What? When? Where? Why? These can work for any topic, so pick and choose wisely. Again, the idea is to start with the simple dull facts and then dig. It’s the digging that lets you know what the person is like. It’s the digging that lets the person open up more and show their true colours—or their true colors, for the American readers.

Ask what they hate – But not so plainly. That’s boring and can come out kinda harsh. But look back at the movie conversation again. It’s just full of cliché dullness. Why? Because it’s always “What’s your favourite movie?” Why not, “What’s the last movie you saw that you absolutely hated?” Look on a social network site one day and read the favourites that people list. In movies and in foods they all just seem to be the same. When you get one that’s different it teaches you a lot about a person though, but what are the odds your date will say one that’s different? Ask about the one that they hate and it will always be different. And why someone hates a movie is usually more informative than why they loved a movie anyway. Hate takes more thought. Go figure.

What other hints have you come across for really getting to know a person? Feel free to comment on these tips or suggest your own by adding a comment below. You can also comment about any other posting on this blog, any time you like.