Tips to Get Out of the Single-Forever Rut

May 24, 2009 4 Comments »

There are a lot of people who’ll tell you that they’ve been single for far too long. Of those nice folks, there are many who can’t help but think they are stuck and will be single forever. That’s a pretty tragic state of mind and an awful one to try to get out of. If you think you fit that mold though, the following tips are for you. Saying that, don’t go thinking one little singles dating advice article will save you; you need to pick yourself up and get out there.

Stop thinking like that – Maybe you’re sick of hearing the just-think-positive line of advice, but maybe it’s time you face the facts: that advice has become cliché for a reason, and the reason is it makes good sense. If you think you’re stuck, you will have a much harder time being anything but stuck. You need to wake up every day and tell yourself things are better. If you can’t do that, you’re practically dooming yourself.

Break your routine – Get out into the world and do things you don’t normally do. This is easy for singles in Toronto, singles in Montreal or singles in any other big city. Those places offer tons of things to do, and you don’t need a date to go and get started. But by trying out new things, whether it’s cycling, photography, or hanging out in museums, you’ll expose yourself to new people. You’ll also rid yourself of the static feeling that’s bringing you down.

Look for someone, but stop looking for someone – Try on that contradiction for a second and see how it fits. A little tight around the collar? Here’s the deal: you should get out and meet people, but if you do it thinking only about the dating possibilities then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You’re also setting yourself up to be a big bag of nerves, if that’s your typical dating-scene reaction.

Make yourself available – You’re tired when you get home from work, or you’re terrified that you might miss the new episode of Grey’s. There are lots of reasons why you turn down plans. Often it’s just because you’ve been there and done that, and are sick of the social routine or… or, whatever. Well, if you want to get out of your single life rut you need to be open to going out whenever the opportunity arises. Everyone talks about how they met someone when they least expected it, but it’s incredibly rare that this happens in their own living room.

Don’t be shy of the internet – Internet dating is still scary for a lot of people. Some simply feel they are above it. Well, if you haven’t tried it yet and you aren’t getting dates any other way, then what have you got to lose? Just take a look at some of the internet dating advice that’s posted elsewhere in this blog and then give it a try. You may find that the nerves that keep you from meeting people out “in the real world” won’t exist when you’re simply sending text messages.

There. There’s some advice. Are your blues cured? Didn’t think so. If you try to follow some of the advice though, you’ll hopefully wind up a few steps closer to that better place you’re aiming for. So long as you don’t keep standing still things should go okay.

Are you someone who used to feel they were in this kind of rut but are better now? Feel free to share some of your experiences and tips through our comments section.

Good Books to Help You on the Dating Scene

May 23, 2009 4 Comments »

Publishing books on dating advice is a huge business. Why wouldn’t it be? The people who are most tired of being single are not only willing to pay for the advice, but they’re tucked nice and neatly in the demographic of people who can pay for the advice.

The fact is, there’s nothing wrong with turning to one of those books. Good advice is good advice, and besides, there’s no shame in wanting to improve yourself. The problem is trying to figure out which of the thousands of dating advice books on the market is right for you. The following suggestions will hopefully be a good place to start. One’s for the ladies, the other’s for the gents.

Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate

This is a great book for the women out there, coauthored by Patti Stranger—a name that’s quite fitting or oddly ironic, depending how you twist it in your mind. She’s as close as anyone can come to a celebrity matchmaker. The book feeds off of all that she’s learned, tested and proved after years in the business. Reader feedback is great in regards to both results and the simple pleasure of reading.
The book pretty much walks readers through the dating process from the point where they just need to get in the right mindset right through to the point of getting a ring. It feels a bit repetitive at times, and comes across as formulaic which can turn a few people off, but the authors make no attempt to hide the fact that they are offering that—a formula. Throughout the book readers are exposed to everything from what to say and not say on a date to when sex should happen.

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

And here’s one for men. There are a lot of books aimed at picking up women, and a lot of the time the methods imply or actually call for deceit, and for the most part they don’t even attempt to hide the fact that they are about scoring sex, not love. This book, however, is different. How? Well, it’s a novel, not an advice book.

Okay, that was a little crude. Really though, it’s possibly the best book men can read if they’ve never been good at getting women to notice them. Neil Strauss, the author, wrote it as somewhat of a memoir of his own experience going from a shy guy to a master seducer. The tips he teaches during the story are golden, and though they are technically geared towards pickup and seduction, the books real lesson—not to ruin the ending—is to use the tools for confidence building, and then to find someone who really matters to you.

If one of these books sounds right for you then go pick it up. If you come across another one, then get that one instead, but be happy you’re doing it, be thrilled that you’re taking that step, and realize that these books can be wonderful things. Then, once the book’s proven itself, hide it before your dates come over.

Anyone who’s read one of these books is encouraged to leave some feedback for everyone else in the comments section. Also, if you’ve read other dating advice books that you’ve liked you should feel free to suggest them.

Pets to Wonders for the Single Life

May 22, 2009 5 Comments »

Of course you don’t need to be in a long term relationship to feel complete. That’s what pets are for. Sure-sure, that immediately brings to mind a long series of images involving crazy unkempt cat ladies rocking in their chairs to the tune of four dozen intermittent, repetitive meows. Nonetheless, and in all seriousness, having a pet around really does do wonders for someone living the single life.

It’s a psychological boost – And why shouldn’t it be? Having a cat or a dog means there is a friendly life form out there that truly relies on you. On an otherwise lonely day, that little reality check can be the difference between returning home with a smile or crawling into bed with a tear soaked face and a tub of Haagen-Dazs.

Pets can give you structure – One of the best things about the freewheeling single life is the free part. There’s no one saying where you have to be or when. Sadly, that’s the worst thing to. Pets help provide that middle ground, but forcing a little structure in your life. This is especially true with dogs because they need a good walk a few times a day. Cats, on the other hand, probably don’t care when you get home.

Pets break the ice – It’s hard to take a dog out for a walk and not get stopped by strangers. Single men and women alike jump at the chance to say “Hey, can I pet your pooch?” And if they have one too, well, that just screams play date. Believe it or not, quite a lot of good matches start this way—and not just for dogs. If you are already a dog owner, you could probably vouch for this first hand. So when you’re living single in a dog friendly city like Toronto, join in the fun and live it up.

Makes you look like a nurturer – Which you are anyway, after all. This is more geared towards guys, but if you have that well taken care of pet and are willing to show it affection, women notice. More often than not, it translates to “This must be one sweet, caring guy.”

No, this doesn’t mean to go out and get a pet in hopes of buying yourself a cure-all. It also doesn’t mean you should sink your whole life into your pet; a full wardrobe, a couple strollers and a Facebook page for your pet means you’ve gone a little far.

If you have any stories about how your pet has helped out in your single life, share your thoughts in our comments section. Otherwise, just tell everyone about your pet anyway because we all know how much you like talking about that cat or dog of yours!

Signs that a Single Man is Interested in You

May 21, 2009 10 Comments »

Single men aren’t as easy to read as some might have you believe, and trying to discern whether or not a guy actually likes you can be quite difficult. Sure, things would be easier if people were all secure enough to simply say what they are thinking and feeling without fear or shyness but, on the other hand, what fun would that be?

If you can never seem to figure out what a guy thinks about you, here are some tips of things to look out for:

He’s starting to ramble on about himself – There’s a difference between a guy who’s talking about himself a lot and a guy who’s gloating. The guy who’s simply full of himself is worth passing over. The one who’s seems to be simply searching for good thing to say about himself is probably trying to impress you.

Watch the eyes – Eye contact is key. If he likes you, a shy guy will look away quickly when you catch his eye, while a more confident guy will likely pass a smile once your eyes meet. When it comes to the confident one, smile back and then let him do the rest; he’s confident, so if he likes you he’ll make the move. As for the shy guy, go up and say hi and then look for more clues.

He shows interest in what you do – A guy who likes you will become very inquisitive in regards to what you like and what you do. If you like the kind of movies he likes, he’ll start suggesting others you should see, or he’ll start asking for suggestions from you. This can happen in regards to any topic, so watch out for it.

Take a look at his friends – If his friends know he likes, their behaviour will reveal it. For instance, when he goes to talk to you they’ll likely be watching on. If you are all together they’ll probably start talking him up, or suggesting you all “go out somewhere sometime,” thinking they’re being subtle.

Watch out for nervousness – Any signs of nervous behaviour from a guy who’s talking to you are pretty good tells that he likes you. This can be anything from fidgeting to sweaty palms.

These signals from guys are quite common, but if all else fails you can always just pass him a note after class! If you’ve picked up on any other signals over the years, please feel free to share them with us through our comments section.

Signs That a Single Woman is Interested in You

May 21, 2009 5 Comments »

Women can be harder to understand than a cable bill, which can make it hard for single men a lot of the time. Guys often find it difficult to approach single women let alone ask them on dates, and most of this is because of that difficulty. There is a fear of rejection we all have, and so most guys wait until they know for sure what the woman wants—a point that is, sadly, rarely reached.

There are some common signs to look for though that might help you out next time you feel that crush brewing.

Eye contact – Everyone says you should look for signs in a woman’s eyes, which is great advice so long as you know how to interpret those signs. It’s really hard to do, but one thing to look for is where she looks when your eyes meet. If you catch a glance from across the room and she suddenly averts her stare by looking down, it’s a good sign. If her eyes move to the side, there’s a good chance you’ve been passed over.

Try the famous squeeze test – This is a great tip for single guys everywhere. When you get a chance to hold a woman’s hand, all you have to do is give it a little squeeze. If she squeezes back it’s a very good sign. It’s a nearly unconscious reaction, but one that will only happen if she’s interested.

She looks for excuses to touch you – Pay attention to how she touches you. Does it happen more often than it does with other friends? These touches can come in any form, from putting an arm around you, feeling your arm, giving you a friendly nudge after a joke, or even checking out that nice close shave of yours.

She’s suddenly in need – Single men should always be prepared to save the day. If a woman is suddenly in need of help, it could be a sign of flirting. This is all about the little things, like she tells you that she’s cold—if only you could offer her your jacket—or she wants another drink—if only you could run to the bar for her.

These are just little litmus tests that can help you out, but none of them come with any guarantees. There is really only one sure fire way of knowing for sure, but who wants to actually say “Hey, so, do you like me?” If you have any other tips or have a related experience to share, let us know through our comments section.