Don’t Just Sit Around When You Can Be Out On A Date
The problem with being single for too long is that you can get discouraged far too easily. The problem with that last sentence is that it implies there’s only one problem with being single for too long. There are solutions to both of these issues, but I’ll just ignore the latter.
The discouragement comes after spending too much time alone. With every passing day it becomes easier to fall into the headspace where you believe being single will last forever. That isn’t the case and it shouldn’t be the case. The thought process is most often an unfortunate symptom of, well, sitting around.
One of the tricks to getting over this is to make sure you don’t confuse single life with solo life. There is absolutely no reason why you should have to hang around alone, and that doesn’t mean you should get out and play third or fifth wheel to your friends.
Sure, getting out and dating is often easier said than done, but it doesn’t have to be. Really, the only hard part is getting out and dating your ideal match. My view is, why wait? This isn’t to say you shouldn’t have standards and it’s definitely not meant to suggest you ever settle for less than you want or deserve. It just means that dating isn’t the same as committing.
I’ve known so many people who’ve sat home alone on a Saturday night, not because they couldn’t get a date, but because they couldn’t get the perfect date. Soon enough, those people wind up being home every Saturday night until they start believing they aren’t worth dating. Meanwhile, they go on to ignore those that are actually knocking on their door, so to speak.
What these people should do is just get out there. Go places and do things where they’ll find singles to date, and then date with little prejudice—just because the person doesn’t fit their normal type doesn’t mean a dinner out will hurt anyone. What it does mean is that they’ll keep moving forward and the momentum will help fight the single-blues that can so easily set in otherwise.
Is this taking advantage of the other person, the one who’s not the right type? No. Okay, yes. But again, this is about saying yes to dating and going out, not just arbitrarily saying yes to commit to something long term. And the results? It keeps a person motivated. It reminds them that they can be and are wanted by others. Better still, that person who wasn’t the right type just may turn out to hold a few surprises and the right sparks may just fly after all.
Now, surely I’m not the only one who’s followed through on a date here and there just to keep the momentum going. Is this something that you do or have done? Does it help keep the motivation going and keep single life being a happy life? Better still, have you ever found that the wrong one turned out to be the right one?
Is being single a blessing or a curse? Or is it just something to do in between the relationship you thought you wanted and the relationship you’ve always wanted? The single life has its perks, that’s for sure. You have the freedom to be where you want and where you want, and that’s a great thing, so long as you have somewhere to be.
There are more pros to the situation than freedom; the question is whether or not they outweigh the cons.
Pro – Freedom: That’s right. Those living the single life don’t have a “partner” to answer to when making plans. Tonight feels like a bar night? Then it’s a bar night. It feels like a TV night? Then it’s a TV night. And freedom extends beyond your neighbourhood too. Traveling single is the best way to go when you don’t want to compromise anything.
Con – Loneliness: Loneliness can be lying back on the couch, staring at the ceiling while listening to reruns of survivor playing in the background as you slip into misery. It can be the nagging desire to talk on the phone and actually have someone answering back. But in whatever form it comes, it’s the price some singles find themselves suffering in exchange for their freedom.
Pro – Dating: Ah, yes. Single folk can always go out and meet new people of the opposite sex. Getting out there, meeting people, trying new things, is an adventure that so many singles love. Why end it?
Con – Not dating: Here’s to the unlucky singles. The folks who end a relationship thinking, finally a chance to meet, date, and sleep with new people, only to find themselves home on a Saturday night after not being able to find new people.
Pro – Health: Studies have shown that single people are healthier. At first I just figured that it’s because married people are older, but apparently age has nothing to do with it. The single lifestyle just tends to be more active and this keeps the pounds off and the heart happy.
Con – Death: There’s a reason I don’t trust scientific studies. The singles are healthier, the married people live longer. It’s a syllogistic nightmare, I know, but don’t complain to the messenger. It just means that you’re more likely to see a couple of centenarians holding hands on a bench than a hundred year old man jogging in the park.
Naturally, there are more pros than mentioned; sadly there are more cons, too. For instance, everyone reaches a point in their lives when the singles’ table at a wedding has only one chair. Often, that’s the point when it gets merged with the kid table. Sure, the kids table gets French-fries, but for some that’s not enough to fight off the dreaded loneliness.
So what do you think should be added to the list? If you’re single and loving it tell us why. If you hate it we want to hear the reasons, too.
There’s dating advice coming at us from all angles. It’s in magazines, on TV, blaring from the radio and being dished out by friends. You can apparently find it on the internet, too. We’re being told how to act, what to say, what to wear, and where to go. In the face of all of this, we hear the choir chanting “Shouldn’t you just be yourself?”
Well, shouldn’t you? The easy answer is, of course, yes. The real answer is probably best summed up as sorta.
Of course we have to be ourselves when dating. If you fake being someone else, it won’t get you very far. Okay, it can get you very far, but not usually for very long. The question is, though, does taking advice on how to act really result in you not being yourself? Not at all. In the purest sense, you’re simply being yourself by actively trying to improve or alter behavior where necessary.
Think of the person who is shy. Maybe they can’t make conversation with people they’ve just met. Maybe they spend first dates smiling and nodding, or being able to talk about nothing but their friend Barbara. Telling them to just be themselves is advice that can only go so far. Helping them out by hinting at conversation topics they can fall back on, or even rehearsing certain dialogues, however, can easily help them out.
This isn’t turning them into a different person. If all goes well, it’s simply making them into a more confident version of themselves, and helps them get to the next stage in the relationship where shyness is no longer an issue.
This kind of thing holds true to practically all aspects of “ourselves.” Maybe you or someone you know dresses in a, let’s say, unimpressive way when meeting people. Perhaps the problem is failing to focus enough attention on the other person, coming on to strong, or failing to make your intentions obvious enough. Some good advice could definitely come in handy right about now, and good advice would help, but not change, the person.
Is there any advice you wish you’d be given earlier? Better still, what advice do you wish a onetime date had been given—and taken?
Photo credit, Toastforbrekkie
While some of us have had to sit tight and brave the last memories of winter, others have been the envy of their friends when they return to the office with a bronze tan and a story to tell.
Did you take a recent trip to warmer climates any time recently? Do you have a picture to show for it?
Post your picture from your recent holiday in the sun to our Facebook Page and you could win a $100 gift card from Meet Market Adventures!
Photo credit, Cesar R
Having been given an education on social sexual norms by some of the best sitcoms in America, I can say with great authority that getting physical is a touchy subject—pun not intended, but noted, noticed and kept. The question at hand is how long you should wait before taking things to a more intimate level, whether that is first base, second base, or so on. Of course we aren’t in high school anymore and so the idea of “getting to first base” seems rather immature; more so, we’ve probably all discovered so many bases in our love lives that the metaphor no longer holds up.
So are you a first date kisser, a second date kisser, or a third date kisser? Or, have you noticed as I have that the kiss doesn’t mean much anymore and the question has gone from “How long do you wait for a first kiss?” to “How long do you wait before sex?” Either way, is the question ever even important to you?
The thing is people’s answers for how long they wait are never as interesting as the reasons why. There are, of course, the hardcore principles that leave some to wait—for at least some of the fun—until marriage. Then there is the idea of waiting until there are real feelings and not just lust. There’s also the notion of waiting long enough so that your partner still respects you, and what a lot of women don’t realize is that this plays into men’s thinking quite a bit as well.
Now in my experience, ever since the days of curfews, homework deadlines, and “Not here, it’s my mom’s car,” sex, in one form or another, has never been all that far behind the first kiss. When that first kiss happened has usually depended on the other person’s ability to resist my charm, or tolerate the lack thereof. I’ve never minded the waiting. Much. Waiting without reason, though, has always been a bit of a stickler. There are people who’ll not kiss—or whatever—until the third date—or whenever—for no other reason than that’s their standard. Waiting until there’s comfort, feelings, or “the right moment” makes sense, but waiting because of a preset standard seems cheaper than what those standards are typically meant to avoid. It’s like scheduling sex like you’d schedule an oil change.
Well, that’s my take on it anyway. What about you? When is it too soon? Is there a too soon? More importantly, what are the reasons that make you wait or the reasons that make you not care about waiting?
Join our adventurous singles...