How to Make Them Talk, Not Walk: Five Rules to Encourage Conversation

March 17th, 2010

By Yvonne Chase for SingleEdition.com

Some people are natural talkers. They have the knack, or, as the Irish like to say, the gift of gab. For most people, starting a conversation with a total stranger is scary, especially with the opposite sex! In impromptu discussions you may be the one starting the conversation or you may be the one approached, and if you are not the type who is a natural talker those situations may scare the heck out of you.
Others find that they are fine with casual chats but when they’re on a first date they feel awkward. They don’t know how to talk with their date in a way that makes the other person feel comfortable enough to divulge their inner thoughts and opinions. Either way, to start and maintain a conversation takes a little skill—and a lot of practice. If you weren’t blessed with the gift of gab and the ability to talk to anyone about anything, here are some great tips to help you.

Tip One: Be interested. Initiating a casual conversation is not as difficult as it seems. Start every conversation with only one intention—to “chat” for a few minutes or get another’s take on the current situation. Simple, short, engaging sentences are best: “You look like you’re having a good time,” or “You look like your having a lousy time.” Stay current on current events. Share an interesting experience; what it meant to you, how it changed your life, what you learned from it etc. Look the person in the eye when you speak, smile and keep your attitude easy and breezy.

Tip Two: Be interesting. The more interesting your own life is, the more topics you have at your disposal to discuss. Take a class, read about a subject you are interested in but know little or nothing about. Keep expanding your life and your knowledge base. Not only does it make your life and mind fuller, it makes you a more interesting person to talk to.

Tip Three: Be approachable. Women complain that men don’t take any initiative to chat them up. There are a few reasons why men keep their distance. The most obvious is inapproachability. If you are standing with a posture that says “leave me alone,” guess what? Men will leave you alone. If your face is tight with fear, hostility or desperation, your body language is telling others to stay away. So unfold those arms from your chest and make it a point to exude a relaxed, friendly posture and SMILE. Now I’m not asking you to stand around with a huge grin pasted on your face like Ms. America, but you can let a soft easy smile touch your lips and allow your body to relax.

Tip Four: Leave the rat pack at home. Standing in a tight clutch of girlfriends whispering and giggling is a sight to strike fear into the heart of the bravest of man. George, a single man on the dating scene agrees. If I’m out at a lounge or restaurant and see an attractive woman that catches my eye with a bunch of girlfriends, I don’t say a word because I feel like I’m intruding and I don’t want to be judged and critiqued by her girlfriends. If you are out and about and want to meet men, don’t take five of your girlfriends along, save that for girls night out and go alone. George says this, “When I see a woman out alone, it turns me on because it says she’s confident, enjoys her own company and can have a great time with or without a man. That is a woman I would definitely approach.” At the least, be bold enough to break away from your friends every so often on those girls nights out.

Tip Five: Avoid the RPS trap. Religion, Politics, Sex. Don’t discuss religion, politics or sex if you want to avoid hurt feelings and heated debates. These topics must come up at some point when you are getting to know someone, but they should not come up the first time you meet. Save heavy issues that deal with religion, politics and sex for a time when you have a better understanding of the other person’s views on such things.

Yvonne Chase is a dynamic, high-energy Dating Coach, affectionately known as “The Single Woman’s Cheerleader. You can visit her at AvailableandHappy.com or via email at: coachyvonne@availableandhappy.com

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Should I Buy Her a Drink?

March 16th, 2010

When you get into the tricky waters of the dating pool and meeting women in bars or clubs, the question of “Should I Buy Her a Drink?” inevitably pops up and can cause a lot of confusion between both sexes, and sometimes even resentment. I’m not talking about buying drinks for friends, because I’m sure you already do that, which is good and all. Rather, I’m talking about women that you’ve just met or want to meet and using drinks as a ploy to get to know them.

All conventional wisdom, discussion amongst friends and even how the media portrays this simple act is misleading. This conventional wisdom can lead to men feeling ‘tricked’ or infuriated after a woman accepted who their drink. The common outcome is usually the woman feeling mildly amused and soon-after disappearing or avoiding the man who bought the drink for the rest of the night. Does any of this sound familiar? Unless you look beneath the psychology in order to understand the underpinnings of this seemingly innocent gesture, the same patterns and ‘crappy outcomes’ will continue.

As bad is it may seem, and I’m not characterizing that all women behaving this way, some women find it a challenge and even fun in how many “drinks they can scam off of guys.” Obviously you don’t want to be taken advantage of because of your generosity or how much of nice of a guy you are, but you also have to take into account why exactly you’re buying drinks for women who you’ve just met and don’t even know in the first place. What makes that girl or woman so special to warrant buying a drink without even knowing who she really is?

However, all of this can be avoided. To answer the question, “Should I Buy Her a Drink?” – the answer is both Yes and No. Why? Hear me out first…
What are your motives?

Your reasons or motives for why you’re buying drinks are probably the best determinant in how you perceive your situation and the subsequent outcome of the gesture of buying drinks.

If you’re buying drinks thinking that the woman who you just met is now “obligated” to talk to you because you just bought her a drink, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If you were look at it another way, it would be almost as if you’re “buying her time,” hoping to use that time to strike up a chat and maybe spark something – anything – which is a weak and disempowering approach. Their reactions can stem anywhere between being mildly amused, rejecting your gesture outright, laughing with her friends about your approach to questioning the sincerity of your gesture.

Instead of “buying her time”, why not take on the mindset of “sharing good times”? What do I mean by this exactly? When you adopt the mindset of sharing, giving and spreading good times without expecting anything in return, simply because your sole purpose for the evening is to having a good time and wanting other people to have a good time – people find that refreshing and naturally gravitate to you because you’re having fun with no agenda. The only thing you might expect might be a smile and maybe a nod of acknowledgement and a cheers. That’s it. With this sort of intention and mindset, you’ll go a lot farther than trying to score with chicks through buying drinks.

What if she asks me to buy her a drink?

If a woman asks her to buy you a drink, it can be a sincere approach in wanting to meet you. I would say for the most part that it’s rare for women to actively talk to a man, unless they muster every single bit of confidence and sexiness in them to approach you. However outside of your reality it may be for a woman to approach you, I wouldn’t assume that she is trying to scam drinks off of you. Rather, taking the more empowering mindset that she’s interested in talking to you and she’s adorable for making an attempt to break the ice with you in the first place. This is your prime opportunity for some funny and playful banter with your new friend
One thing that I’ve learned from a Social Coach and Master Conversationalist, Wayne Elise (Founder and CEO of Charisma Arts) is how to deal with the above situation in a fun and engaging way:

Closing remarks:
Whenever I go out, my sole focus is having fun and charging the venue with my fun energy, outgoing attitude and sharing good times with others. If I’m buying a round for friends, I might feel like including some other people I met, which includes both guys and girls.
My point is when you’re hitting the nightlife scene hard; you’re not there to have people feel obligated to you. Your reasons may be to meet new women, but when you have the intention of doing something to get something in return, your insincerity will shine through and more often than not rejection will. Keep the intention of having massive fun and sharing good times, and you’ll always come out on top.

Will – http://www.cheapdateideas.ca/

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How to Set Up a Fantastic First Date

March 15th, 2010

Assuming that you got the contact info of the person you’re interested in, you may be thinking, “Soo…. now what?” And if there’s enough interest in each other to warrant seeing each other again outside of where you first met, there might be some anxiety and nervousness – which is natural and well… good! Because you’re acting in spite of those feelings to set the wheels in motion to see each other again.
Setting It Up

Whether you’re setting up a date over phone, text or email, your message should convey fun, warmth, non-neediness, and a concrete plan of what you’ll be doing during your date.

Here’s an example of a typical call or email to set things up:
“Hey (insert person’s name *Big Smile*) !
I really enjoyed meeting you the other day. I know this awesome place for (coffee/drinks) – we should totally meet up sometime. My schedule is looking good on (whatever days are free for you). What’s your schedule looking like?”
If it’s a classier place that you’re suggesting, you might want to point that out as well so that your date has an idea of how to dress for the occasion.
Choosing the venue

Yes, choosing your venue can play a role in the “success” of your date. If you’re the one choosing the venue and inviting your date into your world to get to know you better, why not choose a place that you’ve been to before and invite your date into an environment that you’re familiar and comfortable with? By choosing a venue that you’re already familiar with and relaxed in, it allows your date to feel relaxed and comfortable as well, which is key in really connecting and getting to know each other beyond surface level.

If you’ve been to the place a few times, it helps to build a relationship with the owner or staff, which can convey that you’re friendly, outgoing and connected. Also, you can cut through all the guess work of what’s good, fun and interesting. You can fill your date in on the details and how you stumbled upon the place.
If there’s one thing to remember keep this in mind!

Long gone are the days of the unofficial and dreaded courtship ritual of dinner and a movie. There’s too much pressure for both sides to get to know, impress and qualify each other. Combine that with the time commitments on our already over-packed schedules, it can be awkward and make your first date resemble an interview or business meeting. Putting at least some effort in making your date fun, creative and a little more original can set you apart from everyone else. What it should really feel like is…. dynamic, natural and fun.

Something to note is that you shouldn’t just rely on that one place – if things fall through, you should have at least another venue in mind.
Once you’ve agreed to the time and place you should be aware of “The 3 C’s of the First Date”
What are “The 3 C’s”?

Your date should be Cheap, Convenient and Conducive to conversation (okay so there are 4 “C’s, let’s just pretend there’s three, okay?
Cheap – You don’t have to break the bank to connect with the person you’re going out on a date with. Hanging out together should be relatively inexpensive and act as the backdrop for both of you to connect. This could be the classic coffee date, meeting up for a drink or two, checking out a community festival, sharing some gelato, and/or having a stroll in the park, boardwalk, art gallery, etc.

Going out on a cheap date doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re cheap. If you’re part of the majority of people who are short on time and somewhat conscious of your money, spending lavishly might make the other person feel uncomfortable or indebted to you, which is counter-productive. In addition to that, you don’t want to set a precedent of spending lavishlty just to impress your date.

Convenient – Unless you’re living in the same city, this is self-explanatory. You should choose a venue or place that’s relatively easy to get to, ensuring that your date can start at the agreed time and get things going as easily as possible. If you’re living in different cities and you still want to see each other, make some arrangements in advance to make it easier to happen

Conducive to Conversation – the place that you choose should allow the two of you to have a relaxed conversation at a reasonable volume to better get to know each other. On the flip side, I’d go so far as avoiding movies or doing anything that doesn’t encourage conversation with you and your date. If you’re going to watch a show, you can do it alone.

Patios, cafes, parks, lounges or even going out on a shopping date to help pick up something for yourself can keep things fresh, vibrant and fun to keep the conversation flowing.

Showtime!

After you decide on a venue, dress to the occasion, show up on time (this is huge in so many ways) and as cliché as it may sound – just be yourself.
Take the lead as you’re letting your date have a glimpse of your own world, fill your date in on the details, nuances and fun little quirks of the venue or whatever you’re doing.

Focus on getting to know the other person to get out of your head, and naturally convey who you are with the power of your authenticity and personality. When you’re outside of your head, genuinely enjoying the company across from you, all the things that would normally pre-occupy your thought process of being nervous or worrying about what your date thinks about you is bypassed.

Recap:
• Show genuine interest in your date
• Show up on time (seriously!)
• If you’re inviting your date out, be prepared to take the lead – after all, you’re giving you’re date a glimpse into your own world.
• Choose a venue you’re comfortable with – knowing the staff there really helps!
• Have back up plans in case something falls through
• Keep it Cheap, Convenient and Conducive to conversation
• Relax, be yourself, don’t push for an outcome other than getting to know your date
• Last and most important – have fun! It’s contagious

Will – http://www.cheapdateideas.ca

Let us know what you think of what makes for a great first date by sharing your thoughts in the comments below

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Quick Fixes to Change Your Results Instantly

March 12th, 2010

A lot of people wonder why they’re not able to meet or attract a person for either dating or a life partner. There are a lot of reasons for this, but we often settle for less than what we truly deserve. If I were to pinpoint the number one reason why that might be so in a person’s life, it would be of how unaware and unconscious people are the way they present and project themselves to the world.
Whether you are conscious or unconscious of how you present and project yourself, I want to let you in on a little secret – it’s entirely possible to change your results and how the opposite sex reacts… in an instant.
How you may ask? Is it a magic pill or formula even? Nope. How you can get these “instant results” is actually pretty simple and not all that hard to take on.
However, the key realization you need to make is that it’s within your power and grasp to change not only your dating life, but the outlook of your life overall.
While these ‘quick-fixes’ may be obvious, how much attention, time and energy are you actually putting in these areas can make a world of a difference in catching the eye of someone you find attractive and catapulting you beyond the first instance of eye contact and into surface level conversation.
Here are some of the key areas you should focus on:
Fashion – your fashion sense should be a reflection of yourself. It should resonate with your personality, interests and what “scene” you most identify with. If you feel and believe you have “no fashion sense whatsoever”, reaching out to friends who you think have good fashion sense can help you in turning this area of your life around. Generally well-fitting clothing that is suitable for your body type is something that you should pay attention to as well.
In addition to that, there are plenty of free resources available to you. You can pick up fashion magazines that are geared towards men or women that fill magazine stands to get a sense for what the latest fashion trends are. You can check out free resources like Kinowear for men or The Fashion Spot for women for the latest and cutting edge fashion tips and model yourself based on their incisive insights on fashion and upcoming trends.
Updating your hairstyle – this is an extension of fashion, but getting an up to date or trendy haircut can change your results immediately where people will take notice. If you’ve been a repeat offender of fashion crimes, this is something that will change your results immediately with compliments flowing your way in no time.
Smile – your smile is probably one of the most important things about you can change to boost your attractiveness by a few points. If you have a less than perfect smile, you might want to consider getting braces in order to have a smile that beams of confidence and invites people to talk to you.

I’ve heard and witnessed friends posting pictures on HotorNot.com to see how they would rate in their “before braces” and “after braces” pictures, and each time the after pictures would be rated at least 2 points or more.
Body language – studies have shown that 93% of communication is done through body language, while the remainder 7% is done through spoken word. We can go deeper into this topic, I’ll keep it to the four most important things you can do to change your body language to one is more powerful (or elegant) and sub-communicates confidence.
• Eye contact – making direct eye contact with someone we find attractive can give us a shot adrenaline because it’s an acknowledgement of sorts and an opening to start conversation. Holding easy and steady eye contact (with maybe even a smile or smirk) is extremely powerful. There’s a reason why there’s the saying, “the eyes are the window to the soul”. It’s because when you hold easy and steady eye contact, it says so many things positive things about yourself without having to say anything about yourself at all.
•Tonality – this can be the smoothness of your tonality, the inflections in your voice, how steady or sultry your voice – how it sounds comes from how comfortable you are.
• Posture – have you ever been attracted to someone who had a slouch that reeked of self-defeat and low self-esteem? My guess is probably a resounding, “No.” When you change your physiology, that is your posture, how you stand affects how you feel. Conversely, we can interpret a person’s posture in terms of how confident, self-assured and centered in themselves they are. By changing your posture, it also affects the way you feel. If you were to compare how you feel if you had your head slightly tilted up, open chest and wide/relaxed shoulders, you feel a lot better compared to having a slouch or body language that signifies weakness or insecurity.
• Touching – the way you touch a person be it firm handshake or gentle brush on the arm can communicate your comfort, interest and attraction towards a person and in turn generate those feelings in them as well.
Genuine interest – when you communicate that you’re genuinely interested in someone after discovering something about them, you can’t help but tell them verbally or non-verbally. Having genuine interest is the bedrock of having a connection with someone and them to you as well. When you inquire or find out something that’s cool about a person, dive into a little deeper and smile from ear to ear with your approval. Don’t over exaggerate it, but prod a little deeper and delve into the other person’s passions – this is probably one of the easiest things you can do in terms of expressing yourself and getting a person to express themselves fully to make
Take Action – fortune favours the bold. Sometimes in order to spark a conversation with someone you find attractive and find out more about him or her, you actually need to start a conversation by saying something as simple as, “Hi, I saw you over there and you looked interesting, so I came over here to talk to you. My name is ____”, and take it from there. That’s all it takes! Just. Say. Hi.
If you feel particularly shy or unconfident in meeting new people, I wrote an article which you can find here.
Closing Thoughts
Keep in mind, however, that these are just quick-fixes. They are more or less filling in holes that you might have not been aware of in how you present yourself. If you keep these few things in mind and work on them constantly, you will get results. What might have prevented you from connecting from that guy or girl you’ve just met or wanted to meet and had a crush on for a week or two, but was too shy or not confident enough to approach or open yourself to that person in the first place,
Changing your exterior will only get you results but only up to the point where you spark a conversation. Maybe you’ll gauge enough interest to warrant a date – or maybe not. Going beyond that will ultimately be determined by things that are deeper than surface the level of yourself such as the vibe you’re projecting, your belief system, mindset, passions, knowing yourself and your purpose in life. Those can only come with time and continually cultivating yourself in becoming who you want to become and constantly evolving, which will be covered in an article in the future.

Will – http://www.cheapdateideas.ca/

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February 13th officially named Anti-Valentines Day by Meet Market Adventures

February 12th, 2010

According to a new survey from Meet Market Adventures (www.meetmarketadventures.com) a leading provider of events, experiences, getaways and travel for busy singles – 70.9 percent of singles will stay home and wallow on Valentine’s Day this year. The survey was conducted among a sample of over 10,000 single adults living throughout the United States and Canada.

“It is surprising to find that so many single people would choose to stay home this February 14 when there are plenty of other options,” says Travis Hartley, Founder of Meet Market Adventures. “We suggest hosting a singles party, pampering yourself with some quality time at a spa, taking a vacation or going out on the town where you’re sure to find other singles.”

And for the 29.1 percent of singles who feel that Valentine’s Day is depressing, Meet Market Adventures will hold “Anti-Valentine’s Day Parties” in several North American cities on February 13th.

Valentines Day is not just for couples anymore! Join Meet Market Adventures in celebrating the single life with interactive games, prizes and giveaways. They also offer international vacations created just for singles! Hike, bike, walk, sail, stroll, cruise, or drive your way through exotic and exciting destinations you’ve dreamed of visiting. Traveling with other singles is nothing like traveling alone. You’ll make friends, have fun and make memories that will last a lifetime!

About Meet Market Adventures

Founded in Toronto in 2000, Meet Market Adventures is a leading provider of events, experiences, getaways and travel for busy singles in North America. Meet Market Adventures creates imaginative and fun social experiences that bring like-minded singles together. An alternative to dating services, Meet Market Adventures provides an avenue for busy single professionals to meet while enjoying interesting events, excursions and vacations. For more information, visit www.meetmarketadventures.com.

For more information about Meet Market Adventures or to book an interview please contact Sam Gruszecki 1-800-239-0542 or email info@meetmarketadventures.com.

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Do Wrong Numbers Ring Wedding Bells?

October 7th, 2009

I heard a story the other day about a couple who met in just about the oddest way. The woman was minding her own business one night at home, doing some work, watching Grey’s, or whatever her night might have involved, and then her phone rang. She answered and the guy on the other end started going on about stuff she didn’t understand. She quickly interjected and the guy realized, oops, he’d called the wrong number.

Case closed, right? Sorry. It’s okay. Hang-up. Move on with your lives. But no, in this case they kept talking. They talked “…for hours.” Romantic so far? Right. So the next night they got on the phone and talked some more, about movies, about work, about social lives, and perhaps even about Grey’s. Needless to say, they eventually decided to meet in person and have been happily dating ever since.

Right. That’s odd. That’s out there. But it can happen.

The thing is it seems to happen one heck of a lot. A brief Google search—yes, I know I have too much time on my hands—revealed about half a dozen stories, each ending in marriage. Those half dozen were all on one page, so who knows what would happen if I kept clicking and counting.

The wrong number stories were all pretty much the same, except that one of the ones from the last few years involved text messaging. Now, I get people calling me by mistake all the time—my number spells my name (I knew a guy, okay?) and someone has the same number, and same name, with a different area code. I can’t help but wonder now how I can’t seem to turn any of those coincidence-filled wrong numbers into a conversation while all these other people are turning it into love.

Needless to say I’m a little suspicious. Who are these people that entertain strangers on the phone? More confusing to me than that is wondering how entertaining the people at these wrong numbers must be in the first few seconds to sway the poor dialer to forget about the person he/she originally wanted to contact.

So is this all a sham? Is it an attempt made by a few people here and there to get some prenuptial media attention? Maybe it’s that the guys making the calls weren’t actually dialing someone else in the first place. Perhaps they were bored and purposefully called a “wrong number” to challenge themselves to start up a conversation. And yes, maybe it’s all real.

Does anyone out there happen to know any couple who have met like this? What’s their story? What go the conversation started? If you have anything to share about that, by all means add a comment. It would also be nice to hear what you think about how real these stories sound. One or two stories are easy enough to swallow, but is this something that could really be such a regular occurrence?

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When Romantic Stories Bring You Down

September 30th, 2009

Do you ever get annoyed with those romantic tales of “How we met?” being broadcast all over the place? They come up during dinner table conversations, they show up in the movie and they turn up as human interest stories in the paper and on the TV. Those stories can get pretty random and even farfetched. From one couple meeting on a plane to another couple meeting when one actually arrested the other—there isn’t a lot that hasn’t happened at one time or another.

Another posting on this blog is all about one of the most random of such stories. It’s where a couple meets when one accidentally dialed the other’s phone number. They end up chatting and then they end up meeting and then they end up getting married. These things should strike us all as romantically wonderful, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. At least, not for me.

For me there are dry spells. There are times when I’m always meeting singles and making connections, but the majority of my single life is spent in the dry areas. Those are the times when nothing seems to click. Sure, there’s a singles’ baking class here, a singles’ party there, and perhaps a little time invested in a dating site or two, yet no sparks fly and no connections are made. It’s during those times, when nothing seems to be working out, that I just want to give up.

Those are the times, the times when nothing in my dating world works out, that I actually despise hearing about other people’s luck. Hearing about other people who met at a bar or through friends and then dated, well that’s one thing. That’s normal. But to be going through a time in which all my great efforts result in still being alone, and then to hear about people who just magically fell into each others arms… that’s teeth grindingly frustrating.

It’s hard to keep up the motivation to get out there and meet people, to follow through with dates that friends set up, or to put my heart on the line when reading about the people who seem to fall into it so easily. Not that it isn’t great for them. Not that they may not deserve it. Not that they hadn’t likely had a hard time out on the dating scene at one point either. It’s just that by knowing other people fell into it so easily, failed efforts of my own become all the harder to take.

That’s not the only factor that kills the motivation for me of course, but it’s one that’s seemed to come up a lot lately. Do your eyes also roll when you hear those stories? Or is there something else that’s knocks you down a peg? Share your thoughts just by adding a comment below. Also, feel free to go back and comment on any other posting as well.

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When Meeting Singles Was a Lot Easier

September 29th, 2009

Monday night used to be games night. That was anything from Monopoly to poker, and usually took place in someone’s apartment with the usual crowd plus any random invites. Wednesdays was karaoke at some downtown bar, and again the same crowd would show with some people brining along a new friend or two. Fridays were always random but far too often involved a birthday celebration somewhere. Not surprisingly, the same crowd kept showing up. As for Sundays, well, that was an anything goes day but the invite list didn’t change.

That was then, and then went on for quite a while. As for now, things are a lot different. Not only has every night become a whatever goes night, but the invite list is virtually nonexistent. These days there are fewer people to drag along and who ends up coming along is different every time.

There isn’t much of a mystery as to why things have changed so much. The games weren’t lost, the bars didn’t burn down and the crowd didn’t move away. All that happened was a few lousy weddings. Joe married Barbara, Janice married Will, Joan married Jon, and Don married some girl none of us had ever heard of. (Names have been changed to protect the nuptualized.) Needless to say, married people don’t like going out for some reason. No, that’s not true. They just don’t seem to invite out the singles as often, possibly out of concern that the condition is contagious.

While I’m happy for them (so that they don’t have to be happy on their own?), it’s pretty much put a big hole in my dating life. I mean, in the good old days meeting singles would often happen on those group nights. Sure, when we’d go out to the bars we’d often meet people, something that seems easier when you’re traveling with a large crowd, but a lot of connections were the result of friends bringing out their friends. Or running into their friends.

Dating was so easy back then because all I’d have to do was flirt with the new people a while. If things went well I’d take them out for a drink alone. Somewhere in there our mutual friend would gossip about me to her, and her to me, and in the end all was well with the world.

Now that the married folk have moved on with their lives and the regular nights out have disappeared, we singles who’ve been left behind are pretty much lost, left to fend for ourselves. I don’t have to tell you how difficult that can be.

Do you have a lot of single friends? Or have most of them gone off on their married way? If it’s the latter, have things changed for you? Is meeting singles any harder than it used to be? Maybe it’s a coincidence. Maybe it’s all those other factors at play. Whatever your thoughts are on the matter, feel free to share them by adding a comment below. As for me, don`t worry; I was sick of games night anyway.

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Matchmaking With the Precision of a Jittery Marksman

September 28th, 2009

I have a friend who`s a bit on the large side. She`s a nice girl, very pleasant and funny and likable. She never dated a lot though, for whatever reason that was. Friends tried to step in once in a while by setting her up with guys they`d meet at work or through other friends or randomly on the street—frankly, I have no idea where those guys came from. The point is, all the guys she`d get hooked up with were also on the large side.

All the while we had this other friend. He was short and somewhat of a bookworm. Actually, he fit that bookwork stereotype so well that one look at him would tell you that he was likely going to bed at night with anyone from Dickens to Proust to whoever it writing all those god-awful vampire novels. Anyway, he`d get hooked up on dates from time to time as well. It should be no surprise that he`d get hooked up with short bookworms.

Now, it doesn`t matter that the big girl ended up marrying a big guy and that the short guy ended up marrying a short girl. The point is friends always seem to pick out what are essentially arbitrary traits and deciding that anyone else with that same trait will be a perfect match. They`re both freakishly skinny, they`re bound to fall in love. They`re both taller enough to dunk a ball on tiptoes, they`ll surely get married. As for me, I`d always get set up with dull people who couldn`t hold a conversation and didn`t know how to dress. I`ll assume for the sake of my already crumbling ego that I`m the exception.

Perhaps that was all a bit dehumanizing getting hooked up like that, having to witness the way your friends see you. At least it was based on something though. And at least it, in some of those cases, it would actually work out. These days though the criteria for hook-ups has tumbled a long way downhill.

The problem is that many of the friends in my social circle have gotten married—of course, use of the word problem is all relative. There are still times we get together and there are still times when they try to find matches for the few of us singles still straggling behind. Nowadays though, the so called matches don’t make any sense at all to the point that I started to think they were just drawing names out of a hat.

My new theory is that the reason for such lousy matchmaking is that married folk no long see us singles as tall, short, skinny or large. They don`t see us as bookworms, computer geeks, athletes or musicians. Instead, they see us as single. I actually imagine them meeting singles at the office or through other friends and thinking “Oh, I know someone else who is single, how can I get them together?” The result is the most peculiar matches imaginable, but of course the matchmakers never seem to realize it. “Why didn’t it work Honey?” they must say to each other, “they’re both single!”

I still haven’t decided whether or not that’s just a strange phenomenon or an insulting one. I also haven’t figured out if it’s unique to my circle, though I strongly suspect it isn’t. I’m betting a lot of you have been setup on dates a lot over the years, and now the curiosity is whether or not those setups have actually got worse. If worse, are you also starting to suspect your married friends think single is a personality trait? Please share your thoughts, just add a comment below.

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Matchmaking With the Precision of a Jittery Marksman

September 25th, 2009

I have a friend who`s a bit on the large side. She`s a nice girl, very pleasant and funny and likable. She never dated a lot though, for whatever reason that was. Friends tried to step in once in a while by setting her up with guys they`d meet at work or through other friends or randomly on the street-frankly, I have no idea where those guys came from. The point is, all the guys she`d get hooked up with were also on the large side.

All the while we had this other friend. He was short and somewhat of a bookworm. Actually, he fit that bookwork stereotype so well that one look at him would tell you that he was likely going to bed at night with anyone from Dickens to Proust to whoever it writing all those god-awful vampire novels. Anyway, he`d get hooked up on dates from time to time as well. It should be no surprise that he`d get hooked up with short bookworms.

Now, it doesn`t matter that the big girl ended up marrying a big guy and that the short guy ended up marrying a short girl. The point is friends always seem to pick out what are essentially arbitrary traits and deciding that anyone else with that same trait will be a perfect match. They`re both freakishly skinny, they`re bound to fall in love. They`re both taller enough to dunk a ball on tiptoes, they`ll surely get married. As for me, I`d always get set up with dull people who couldn`t hold a conversation and didn`t know how to dress. I`ll assume for the sake of my already crumbling ego that I`m the exception.

Perhaps that was all a bit dehumanizing getting hooked up like that, having to witness the way your friends see you. At least it was based on something though. And at least it, in some of those cases, it would actually work out. These days though the criteria for hook-ups has tumbled a long way downhill.

The problem is that many of the friends in my social circle have gotten married-of course, use of the word problem is all relative. There are still times we get together and there are still times when they try to find matches for the few of us singles still straggling behind. Nowadays though, the so called matches don’t make any sense at all to the point that I started to think they were just drawing names out of a hat.

My new theory is that the reason for such lousy matchmaking is that married folk no long see us singles as tall, short, skinny or large. They don`t see us as bookworms, computer geeks, athletes or musicians. Instead, they see us as single. I actually imagine them meeting singles at the office or through other friends and thinking “Oh, I know someone else who is single, how can I get them together?” The result is the most peculiar matches imaginable, but of course the matchmakers never seem to realize it. “Why didn’t it work Honey?” they must say to each other, “they’re both single!”

I still haven’t decided whether or not that’s just a strange phenomenon or an insulting one. I also haven’t figured out if it’s unique to my circle, though I strongly suspect it isn’t. I’m betting a lot of you have been setup on dates a lot over the years, and now the curiosity is whether or not those setups have actually got worse. If worse, are you also starting to suspect your married friends think single is a personality trait? Please share your thoughts, just add a comment below.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | Comments

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